Cameron Carter struggles to see the funny side

It’s been a bit of a month for weak jokes. On September 15, John Helm interrupted his commentary on Bolton v Lokomotiv Plovdiv on Five to make a pun that is even now being investigated by forensic humorists in search of traces of comedic activity. John said: “Lokomotiv look rattled. Excuse the pun – Lokomotiv, rattled.” That was the entirety of his joke. Now we all know that his co-commentator that evening, Terry Butcher, is a brave lad who carries on playing when his head is broken, but even Terry bottled it when it came to asking for some form of explanation. Instead a wondering silence ensued until John returned to his day job.

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We're told it often enough, "the Premier League is the most exicting league in the world". But is it worth it?

At any particular moment the state of mind of many football fans is a fusion of cynicism and stoic despair, an outlook (leavened, of course, with brief bouts of bonhomie and joie de vivre) that we try to reflect. It’s not always the dominant view in most sections of the media, concerned more with selling the game, and especially “the most exciting league in the world”, than with reporting on it. But every so often what might be seen as the WSC default position comes back into vogue.

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Tuesday 2 “Pride, sadness, injustice – they are all rolled in there,” says Gordon as Celtic beat Artmedia 4‑0 in the second leg of their Champions League tie. Liverpool complete a 5‑1 aggregate victory over Kaunas. Joey Barton makes a public appeal to his missing stepbrother, whom police want to question regarding the murder of black teenager Michael Walker in Liverpool. Milan Baros won’t be moving to Schalke, whose general manager says: “We could only justify the move if we were guaranteed to play in the Champions League for the next three seasons.” Andy Johnson won’t be moving anywhere, for a few months at least, after signing a five-year deal with Palace, with no help from his agent, who has been banned from the club. Michael Owen concedes that his advisors have been in contact with several Premiership clubs, but adds: “I am confident that Real Madrid will have my best interests at heart whatever happens.”

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Will Ferrell's back, and Helen Duff takes a look at his latest effort, Kicking & Screaming

Imagine if film genres were ranked, according to goodness, as football divisions. Allowing for the fact that mafia sagas and Vietnam epics would probably be tussling for Champions League spots – and that anything with Billy Crystal in it would be propping up League Two – American “soccer” movies would be groping for credibility within the Sheffield and Hallamshire Girls County League.

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Bolton's final day defeat was enough to hand Forest promotion and set them on their way to their first league championship, writes Geoff Wallis

The long-term significance
Ian Greaves’ Bolton narrowly missed out on promotion for the second season running, this time on the last day. Third-placed Forest learnt of Bolton’s defeat to Wolves as their holiday-bound plane landed in Palma, Mallorca. Within the next two years Brian Clough and Peter Taylor’s team would win the League championship for the first (and probably only) time, win the League Cup twice and become European champions. Bolton finally went up in 1978.

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