Cameron Carter observes how Mark Lawrenson is slowly veering away from what he's put there to be – a pundit
John Helm must have done something quite bad, but not dreadful, in a previous life. Perhaps he murdered a cow or was a slum landlord with only one slum. Whatever it was, in his current incarnation he has been forced to eternally comment on the UEFA Cup on Five. Because of his lack of options, Helm can’t make like Alan Green if the action’s a bit slow and tell everyone how bored he is; instead he must remain upbeat at his vigil and keep his and everyone else’s spirits up. As Newcastle toiled away against Ventspils of Latvia, many of us were reaching for the off switch and resignedly contemplating housework. Helm sensed this. “It’s an interesting game,” he pleaded, “without goals.” A slight pause. “Eleven minutes to the break,” he went on, in the preoccupied tone of a man who was calculating that in seconds.