The Archive

Helen Chamberlain’s former sidekick has celebrated leaving Soccer AM for 6.06 with a book. Taylor Parkes wants to know why anyone – anyone – thought it was a good idea to expose the presenter’s ego and prejudices across 288 smugly written pages

Soccer AM is a bad memory: hungover mornings in other people’s flats, disturbed by a crew of whooping simpletons, the slurping of pro and ex-pro rectums, cobbled-together comedy that made me long for the glory days of Skinner and Baddiel’s old shit. Yet Tim Lovejoy himself, with his fashionably receding hair and voice oddly reminiscent of Rod Hull’s, I remember only as an averagely blokey TV presenter – in fact, one of the few averagely blokey TV presenters to make me clack my tongue in irritation, rather than buff my Gurkha knife. Other than as a namesake of The Simpsons’ self-serving man of the cloth, he barely registered; just a bland, blond ringmaster in a cocky circus of crap. Almost a surprise, then, to find that his new book is not just ­tedious in the extreme, it is utterly vile.

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Channel 4 has produced some landmark television down the years but they don’t have a good record with football. Their latest attempt is probably the worst yet as Cameron Carter reports

On October 7’s Match of the Day 2, over a shot of the Fulham chairman choosing a winning competition entry at Craven Cottage with the help of Gabby Logan, Gary Lineker quipped: “And Mohamed Al Fayed had his hand in Gabby’s bucket – she only asked him for a dance…” Now, if you take the crassness of that joke, stretch the brief wondering silence that followed it to half an hour, then imagine a team of media creatives trying and failing to fall off a log… what you have there is a near approximation of The Fanbanta Football Show.

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Asian players are still thin on the ground in English football. There are some good prospects but, believes Gavin Willacy, the round-ball game should look at the success of rugby league in this area

Two years ago WSC 225 focused on the Asians Can Play Football campaign. Of the four British Asians playing professionally then, Michael Chopra, the mixed-race son of an Indian grocer, is trying to prove he is a Premier League-quality striker with Sunderland, and QPR midfielder Zesh Rehman has clocked up nearly 100 appearances in the Championship. They are making a career – and a lot of money – from football. Adnan Ahmed is on the fringes at Tranmere and Harpal Singh – who got into Leeds’ squad but didn’t play a first-team game there – is coming to the end of an injury-ravaged season in Ireland, sitting on the bench for Bohemians. Coming into the League this season has been former West Ham trainee Anwar Uddin, after captaining Dagenham & Redbridge to the Conference title.

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Dear WSC
The substitutes’ bench at a football stadium should be exactly that – a rickety, splintered wooden structure, also housing an elderly physio with a smoker’s cough, that players will be only too keen to get away from. Yet several Premier League clubs, including Newcastle and Spurs, have comfortable seats for the substitutes that look like something from the executive class on an aeroplane. These players won’t feel motivated to leave their padded headrests with optional vibro-massage function in order to run around in the wind and rain. What next – soothing music piped in through headsets? Treat them mean to keep them keen, for God’s sake.
Glyn Teasdale, via email

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A night of European glory has given Tampere United, from their country’s third city, a major lift. But football in these climes has its own particular challenges, as a well wrapped-up Egan Richardson reports

When Tampere United clung on to a 1-0 lead at home to Levski Sofia in the Champions League second qualifying round in July, they shocked themselves, their fans and Finland’s journalists. Levski qualified for the group stages last season and nobody had given Tampere much of a chance. It was still unclear whether the return leg would be televised in Finland until the day before it was played, as most channels had thought the tie would be over by then and hadn’t bothered bidding for the rights beforehand. In the end, a small free-to-air sports channel cobbled together a sponsorship deal with a local hotel and paid the rights fee in the nick of time. A good job too, as the game in Sofia was a famous victory with Jari Niemi scoring the only goal in another 1-0 win.

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