Fancy a game anyone? Andrew Hockley tells the tale of one of the most bizarre international fixtures you'll ever encounter
We’ve all seen it happen. A match is organised, there is confusion among the participants as to whether it will actually take place, no one is quite sure when it kicks off and finally the visiting team show up late without enough players to make up a team.
Cameron Carter gets more than an eyeful
Often technology, while improving the quality of one part of our lives, has an adverse effect on another. And so it is with widescreen television, because, while it allows us to see Alan Shearer, Alan Hansen and Gary Lineker’s arm and shoulder in one shot – wider than we’ve ever seen before – it also gives us the unholy spectacle of Shearer’s too-tight trousers in fuller detail than we could ever need. Watching the England v Argentina punditry in widescreen “cinema” mode, I could descry the exact lie of the man’s genitals, right down to the fact that he is clearly not of Orthodox Jewish faith. This detracted from my enjoyment of thousands of Argentina fans looking shell-shocked and, indeed, if I know in advance that Shearer is guesting again in the studio I shall make sure I am watching on the grainy upstairs portable. Also his trousers are shiny grey, like an employee of the Trumpton biscuit factory.
Simon Tyers tells the story of one of this summer's more unique characters
Next June Australia will, more than likely, be officially anointed as 2006’s equivalent of the 1998 Jamaica side, the qualifiers full of unlikely UK-based players that will do in the Republic of Ireland’s absence. All five penalty takers against Uruguay have played in England, as has (and does) keeper Mark Schwarzer. The Boro man’s understudy, Zeljko Kalac, has played here, too, but is a rather more unlikely World Cup player, from the point of view of many in Leicester.
Jon Spurling wonders whether applause is an appropriate replacement for the minutes silence.
Just as views on the responsibility for George Best’s early death are polarised, the same is true of attitudes towards the minute’s applause that was seen at Portsmouth and West Ham to mark his passing. There is a weighty body of evidence that suggests that Best would have approved of such a gesture. On Parkinson last year, he confessed: “I hope I’m remembered for the football and the cheers I brought to grounds, rather than all the front-page nonsense.” A lesser known fact is that he preferred the B-side of Don Fardon’s Belfast Boy – Echoes Of The Cheers – to the song that reached number 32 in the charts and which due to its ubiquitousness over the Old Trafford PA system was an early-Seventies version of Simply The Best.
Manchester Utd equal highest ever winning points margin. By Neil Rose
The long-term significance
Unlike Chelsea the previous season, Manchester United refused to bow to Football Association pressure not to compete in the fledgling European Cup after winning the league. However, on May 15, 1956, Birmingham City became the first English club side to compete in Europe, taking part in the International Inter-City Industrial Fairs Cup, for cities that hosted industrial and trade fairs. Games coincided with fairs and thus the tournament took three years to complete. In 1957 Birmingham lost in the semi-final to eventual winners Barcelona after a play-off in Basle in the days before the away-goals rule (which would have benefited Barça anyway). The competition evolved into the UEFA Cup. In a game dubbed “Old World meets the New”, England beat Brazil 4-2 at Wembley, during which the Brazilians – two years away from their first World Cup win – briefly walked off the pitch in a dispute over a penalty. Stanley Matthews, recalled at the age of 42, gave a virtuoso performance. His opponent on the flank, Nilton Santos, whom the Brazilians had said was unbeatable, reportedly told him at the end of the game: “Mister Matthews, you are the king.”