Imagine if Roman Abramovich didn’t just own Chelsea but insisted on playing for them. A 58-year-old compatriot does just that back home, writes Dan Brennan

Picture the scene: on a sub-zero Saturday afternoon, in the Russian Republic of Udmurtia, 1,000km east of Moscow, Gazovik-Gazprom Izhevsk are leading 2-1 at home to Neftekhimik in the final game of the Russian Division Two (Urals-Volga region) season. Then, in the 35th minute, a familiar refrain booms out over the PA system: “Tumaev is entering the pitch!” Ten minutes later Gaz-Gaz are awarded a penalty. Vladimir Tumaev steps up and misses, but seconds later he makes amends, firing home a shot from the edge of the area and his team eventually win the match 3-2. It was Tumaev’s ninth goal in almost 150 competitive matches for Gaz-Gaz. Not a great average for a centre-forward. But then, these days, the 58-year-old’s appearances are generally restricted to cameos from the bench. And nobody is going to drop him – he owns the club.

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While a site devoted to the football itself may be the best new discovery, Ian Plenderleith finds himself strangely drawn to the world of groundsmen by memories of a difficult career choice

It’s often been said that 90 per cent of the internet is a load of balls, but the “site of the month” award goes to a domain that has taken this to new and detailed extremes. Soccer Ball World is a football anorak’s long wet dream of history, stats and specifications centred around just one spherical object.

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Rupert Lowe has seen a lot of defeats on the pitch of late, but fared rather better in court. Neil Rose examines the implications of the Times’s defeat for journalists and fans 

London’s libel courts are well known as home to the rich and famous, so it’s no surprise to see the football fraternity make themselves comfortable, too.

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Eyal Berkovic’s return to Israeli football has not gone well, despite the considerable size of his ego, as Shaul Adar reports 

After playing for five English clubs and Celtic, Eyal Berkovic moved back to Israel this summer with Maccabi Tel Aviv. His season’s statistics make sad reading – nine starts, subbed seven times, coming on as a sub twice, no assists and only one goal. His team scored more goals without him on the field. His only contribution seems to be in coining a new Hebrew idiom: “I went to consult with the crocodiles.”

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Romário may be greying but he’ll still score you plenty of goals – provided you don’t ask him to travel or do too much of that training nonsense, explains Robert Shaw

Romário da Souza Faria celebrates his 40th birthday on January 29 still mad about goals. His critics might add that he is equally passionate about bars, nightclubs, the beach, bad-mouthing fellow strikers and developing minor knocks on the eve of away trips. But when he claimed his award as the Brazilian national championship’s top scorer in December 2005, Baixinho (Shorty) was speechless. Or rather he told the presenters of the ceremony in Rio’s João Caetano theatre that he did not really need to add any words to back up his impressive goal tally.

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