The poor technique of British kids demands action – money-making, patronising action, focusing on the individual ahead of the team and fronted by a clone of Barry from EastEnders. David Stubbs is impressed

It is commonly acknowledged, except, apparently, among the people charged to do something about it, that there is a skills deficit among young British footballers. Despite years of berating from the sidelines, tournament after tournament sees Our Boys shown up, even in the preliminary games they end up winning, as lacking in the simple but delicate arts of the game. A blood-and-thunder philosophy still prevails. The ball is not passed but “got rid” of. Players puff their chests, as if prepared to run through walls on request, charge about like lions on heat for the first 20 minutes of every game, then “mysteriously” run out of energy after an hour. Meanwhile, international opponents expend a fraction of the effort to much the same effect by simple dint of having the confidence in their ability to control and stroke about the ball.

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Dunga played for two of Brazil’s dullest coaches and is now following in their footsteps – but none the less his team conquered the opposition to win another Copa América. Rodrigo Orihuela reports

Were it not for Sebastião Lazaroni, Carlos Alberto Parreira would surely be remembered as Brazil’s most defensive coach ever. Parreira’s 1994 World Cup-winning side were the antithesis of stereotypical Brazilian jogo bonito, but managed to lift a major trophy.

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Having a fag at matches was all but outlawed on July 1 and football has been pushing tobacco away for a while. But, as Jon Spurling explains, the game and the weed have had a surprisingly close relationship

“There’s nothing better than lying back in the bath and having a good smoke after a game,” claimed Bolton striker Nat Lofthouse in the 1950s. This post-match relaxation technique has long been consigned to the historical dustbin, so much so that there is always a frisson of disapproval whenever a high-profile footballer is caught with a cigarette. Zinedine Zidane, having previously endorsed the EU’s “Feel Free To Say No” campaign, was castigated by the French media after being snapped taking a crafty drag shortly before France’s semi-final against Portugal at last year’s World Cup. With FIFA and UEFA refusing to allow tobacco advertising at any international tournaments over the last eight years, the previously strong ties between the tobacco industry and football appear to have been severed.

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Nottingham is blessed by having two football stadiums and a Test cricket ground within a short walk of the city centre. Not for long if Forest’s board have their way. Brian Clough is spinning in his grave and Al Needham has smoke coming out of his ears as he explains what passes for logic in the east midlands

The village of Gotham in Nottinghamshire is famed not only for inspiring an early name for New York, but for being full of mad people. Legend has it that when the locals heard that King John was making a detour through the village (thereby forcing the creation of a royal highway that the villagers would have to pay for), they went on an orgy of mentalism – drowning eels in a tub and painting green apples red – in order to scare the monarch away.

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An English football club is now the must-have accessory for discriminating billionaires from all around the world – but does this trend make any financial sense? David Wangerin wonders if there is enough cash – and enough optimistic fans to part with it – to sustain the current booming revenues

“As a global brand,” the Independent claimed recently, “the Premiership is becoming sport’s equivalent of Coca-Cola and McDonald’s.” Can this be true? Certainly the success of fizzy-drink manufacturers and fast-food restaurants is not measured by trophies. But as the level of financial interest spreads across the globe, the league’s international reach seems to be rapidly approaching that of the junk-food leviathans. Curiously, much of this interest has not originated in traditional footballing strongholds, but in the game’s equivalent of the emerging ­markets – and America in particular.

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