Simon Tyers watches ITV and Sky attempt to outdo each other in the calamity stakes as television football coverage slowly becomes a parody of itself
The comedic songwriter Tom Lehrer once said that satire died on the day that Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize. Seeing Neil Ruddock cast as an expert on a show entitled England’s Worst Ever Football Team, I knew exactly how he felt. At the other end of the scale, ITV’s commentary is the satirical equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel.
The Mail on Sunday recklessly puts England's World Cup bid at risk and the press leap on a half-hearted scandal, forcing Lord Triesman to resign as FA chairman
Should you be held publicly accountable for every remark you’ve ever made during casual conversation? Yes, according to the Mail on Sunday, only in their world such remarks are “serious allegations” and having dinner with a former mistress constitutes a “meeting”. And having somehow reached those conclusions they unleashed yet another quintessentially English media scandal about nothing in particular.
As the Glazers show no signs of selling Manchester United, fans must decide how to respond to this news
For a while earlier this year it seemed as though the Glazer family’s rapacious involvement with Manchester United might be coming to an end. Matches were accompanied by large-scale fan protests against the owners while a group of United-supporting businessmen were said to be preparing a takeover bid. Now, however, it seems the three unprepossessing middle-aged brothers who look after their father’s businesses are going to be around for a while yet.
The immediate past is traumatic and the future as yet unclear. Portsmouth fan Leon Tricker assesses the mess at Fratton Park
As the Chelsea players went up to collect their 2010 FA Cup winners’ medals, all you could hear ringing out across Wembley was the Pompey Chimes. We had dared to dream that we really could win the Cup again, a final act of defiance from fans, players and a manager united in adversity. But what do Portsmouth now have to show for seven years in the Premier League? We’ve got the same “stadium” we’ve always had, the same antiquated infrastructure, a shattered reputation and a mountain of debt. Fans up and down the country have expressed anger at Pompey’s predicament. But if you feel you’re missing out on something don’t worry – your club could be next.
Dear WSC
So, following Man Utd’s exit from the Champions League at the hands of Bayern Munich, Sir Alex Ferguson saw fit to make the following comment regarding players influencing a referee, in particular to getting an opponent dismissed: “They got him sent off – everyone ran towards the referee. Typical Germans”. I couldn’t help but think back to Derby v Man Utd at Pride Park in the late 1990s and an incident I witnessed just yards from where I was sitting. I distinctly remember Gary Neville instructing the referee, Mike Reed, to send off Derby’s German defender Stefan Schnoor for a foul he had committed shortly after having already received a yellow card. Reed had walked away and wasn’t going to take further action until United’s players forced him to change his mind. To double check my memory I found the following match report on the Independent’s website for the match on November 20, 1999: “Stefan Schnoor, admittedly, invited his own dismissal, ploughing through Dwight Yorke in the 40th minute after being cautioned for dissent moments earlier. What enraged Derby was that when it seemed Mike Reed was undecided about a second yellow card, and the automatic red, David Beckham and Gary Neville ran over in an apparent attempt to pressure the referee into banishing the defender". It’s a bit of an irony, isn’t it, Man Utd’s English players talking a referee into sending off a German. Perhaps, if this behaviour is “typically German” in 2010, they are just emulating the behaviour of English players in an English team, Manchester United, who have been practising it for over ten years.
Andy Kitchen, Derby