Dear WSC,
I am writing, still shocked by one of the worst performances I have witnessed on a football pitch in 25 years of attending. I refer to the half-time ‘entertainment’ provided by comedian (sic) Stan Boardman at the Liverpool v Charlton Cup tie. Being a Charlton supporter but living in the Midlands I cannot afford to be too snooty about the North/South divide, but events such as those witnessed can only provide fuel for the debate. To their credit the Liverpool crowd met Boardman’s ‘jokes’ with stony silence. One example quoted here might give the flavour of this man’s exceptional wit: “Jan Molby’s gone to Swansea, but they had to cancel the match yesterday, they couldn’t get the sheep off the pitch.”If I hadn’t seen this man’s pathetic attempts to get a laugh, I would have sworn it was a pisstake with Bobby Chariot on a bad night. Dying a spectacular death at the Kop end, Boardman took the chorus of “Who are yer?” from the Charlton end as some form of encouragement and tried to engender some banter there, but failed to notice the sarcastic laughter emitting from a now convulsed away end. Had I been a Liverpool supporter, I would have cringed with embarrassment, and someone from the groundstaff finally twigged, leading Boardman away by the arm down the tunnel from which, one hopes, he will never again darken an Anfield which only 45 minutes previously had seen 36,000 people from both sets of supporters stand in silent tribute to Bob Paisley. My advice to Swansea – don’t get Stan Boardman for your half-time entertainment unless you want to hear some very bad jokes about yourself – it’s unlikely that he’s got the imagination to change his material.
John Salvatore, Birmingham
Borussia Dortmund's recent success in the Bundesliga is a throwback to the days when their region dominated German football, as Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger explains
Just over a month into the New Year and Borussia Dortmund are exactly where they were twelve months ago: at the top of the Bundesliga and in the quarter finals of a European cup. In 1995 they beat Lazio to reach the semi-finals of the UEFA Cup. This year their Champions League run seems likely to end at the hands of Ajax. If you had predicted this scenario a decade ago, you would have been taken to a place where the rooms have no windows.
Rogan Taylor pays tribute to former Liverpool manager Bob Paisley, who died last month
Football in Britain owes much to its coal-mining communities, especially those in the North-East of England and in Scotland. Never mind the great players hewn out of them for generations; forget the loyalty and tenacity of the football crowds they helped produce. Just think of the managers who were born in sight of the pit-shafts: Busby, Shankly, Stein and Paisley amongst them.
Rob Chapman looks back to a time when admitting to being a keen football fan was just about the most uncool thing you could do
Much has been made of the fact that during the Rolling Stones’ Wembley concert of July 1990, many fans appeared to be paying more attention to the England v Germany World Cup semi- final commentary on the radio than they were to Mick and Keef’s rock and roll posturing.
Marcelle van Hoof's international top ten of awful football songs include examples of the crooning footballer, the hideous cover version by a team, the good cause song and the (unintentionally) funny interview
1. JOHAN CRUYFF: Oei Oei Oei (Dat Was Me Weer Een Loei) (1969, Polydor) When recording this single, Cruyff’s singing voice turned out to be even more out of tune than the studio personnel had expected. They didn’t know what to do. A friend who accompanied Cruyff to the studio suggested they give him a drink. Cruyff, who never drinks, accepted. After a while, when the atmosphere was more ‘relaxed’, they put Cruyff in front of the microphone again and his tipsy singing proved good enough to use. However, a couple of days later he was invited to sing his song (which roughly translates as ‘oh, oh, oh, yet another blow’ and is not about football, but about a friend of Cruyff being beaten up at a boxing match, then during a visit to a pub and then by his wife…) live on national television. Unfortunately he was sober again and only shyly mumbled the words he could remember, while staring at the ground. Cruyff has a reputation for being a know-all. No matter what subject (the weather, politics, cooking), he has a strong opinion about it. This must have been the only time in his life that he was lost for words.