A look at the increasingly obscure job titles that are created at football clubs

MANAGER – 20th century
Typical day: 7.00am Gets to ground at first light. Goes to shops for light bulbs, post it notes, and pine fresh toilet duck. 9.00 – On the phone to business manager of a leading Spanish club negotiating £23 million transfer deal. 9.15 Talking multi million pound contract with player’s agents. 9.30 Cleans toilets, replaces lightbulbs, dusts trophy cabinet. 10.30 Secures deal on transfer. 11.00 Denies transfer rumours to local and national press. 11.15. Visits estate agent to buy luxury suburban castle near golf course for new player. 13.00 Announces signing of new player. 13.10 Has clear the air meeting with first team players unhappy about new player’s massive wages. 14.00 Services lawnmower and mends goal nets. 5.30 Shows kids’ birthday party group round stadium. Presents birthday boy with cake. Changes into Freddie the Footie Clown suit and performs slapstick routine. 17.30 Picks team for tonight’s game
If he could sign one player it would be: David Batty
Motto: The chairman makes work for idle hands.

Read more…

He may not be a massively wealthy owner, but Paul Cook reveals that Doncaster fans have other reasons for disliking their chairman

Distinguishing Features: A typical small town businessman, he introduced a trendy new look at a recent friendly with his trousers tucked into the back of his shoes.

Read more…

Brazil and Japan's recent international friendly was less about football and more about a chance to promote a well-known sports brand, says Sam Wallace

The ‘summer tour’ is normally associated with a gentle amble through the locals’ defence in a country otherwise too hot to play football. West Bromwich Albion once made it to China, only for Bryan Robson to muse that he’d rather they’d gone somewhere warmer. More recently Manchester United visited post-apartheid South Africa, where Ryan Giggs identified the clement weather as the highlight rather than the fact that he was met (and recognized) by Nelson Mandela.

Read more…

Gary Oliver analyses the impact of any premature elimination from European football for Rangers

Following Rangers’ trouncing in Gothenburg, acting skipper Jonas Thern complained that he had suffered cramp through having to cover for colleagues who had gone AWOL. But it was not only certain players whose whereabouts were unknown: Walter Smith vanished until the following week, it later emerging that he had been in hospital for a minor operation. Numbed by watching his latest batch of expensive imports capitulate in almost unimaginable fashion, Smith would have had little need for an anaesthetic.

Read more…

Tottenham fans once adored Teddy Sheringham, but Adam Powley reflects upon the awful reception he got when he returned to White Hart Lane with Manchester United

“Tormentors”, “enemies” and, according to Radio 5 Live’s Peter Drury, “mindless supporters”. Just a few of the accusations levelled at Spurs fans by the media following Teddy Sheringham’s acrimonious return to White Hart Lane. Over reams of newsprint and hours of broadcasting time devoted to reporting Tottenham’s first home defeat of the season, radio, TV, press and even players predictably focussed on the treatment that the fans meted out to Sheringham. And once again, they got it wrong.

Read more…