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A fantasy football site which rewards ineptitude leads off Ian Plenderleith's guide to low quality web-browsing. And ideas don't get much worse than on a site offering pet coats for sale in club colours

There are few football fans who haven’t attempted to manage fantasy teams at some point over the past ten years, because we all harbour an illusion that we could do a better job than the men who are paid millions just to mostly mess up. Then we discover that the players we picked did not perform to expectations. This has not led to a noticeable rise in understanding of the trials and setbacks suffered by those in charge of a real team, but at least most of us now realise, after finishing in position 124,971 of whichever league we entered, that we are just as clueless as the men we routinely scorn and heckle from the safety of the stands.

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Monday 1 Arsenal go a point clear after a 3-0 win at Charlton. “We know it’s down to us now,” says Arsène. “We’ve gifted six goals in two games,” sighs a baffled David O’Leary as Leeds’ Champs League hopes fade further with a 2-1 defeat at Spurs. Ipswich slip into the bottom three after Marcus Bent misses a penalty in a goalless draw with Chelsea, while John Gregory is “almost lost for words” after Derby’s 1-0 home defeat by Middlesbrough. Everton survive the early dismissal of a punch-throwing Duncan Ferguson (“He was stupid and I’ve told him,” says his new manager) to record a 3-1 win over Bolton, also reduced to ten. In the First, West Brom’s 1-0 win at Coventry takes them level on points with Wolves, beaten 2-0 at home by Man City. Brighton go two points clear at the top of the Second with a last-minute winner against Bristol City, displacing Reading who draw at home with Northampton. Several Luton players are questioned by police following a nightclub brawl to celebrate their promotion. Halifax, 5-0 losers at Darlington, go down to the Conference for the second time in nine years.

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Tuesday 1 The FA pull out of financing the new Wembley, claiming that it could bankrupt them, and ask for government assistance. “It is not right for us to act as sole sponsor of the scheme,” says Adam Crozier. Plans for a new stadium in the midlands may now be revived. Gary McAllister’s fifth goal in as many games helps Liverpool to a 2-0 win at Bradford. Huddersfield move five points clear of the relegation zone in the First Division with a 1-1 draw at Wimbledon (whose fans probably wouldn’t have minded losing). Rushden (and, of course, Diamonds) are promoted to the League after rivals Yeovil lose to a last-minute goal at home to Hereford.

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Sunday 1 Blackburn move into the second promotion spot in the First Division with a 5-0 thrashing of Burnley, prompting Graeme Souness to issue a warning: “We’ll be treating every fixture like it’s the last game of our lives.” After a 1-0 home defeat by Wolves, Birmingham’s sights are now set no higher the play-offs, where they could yet be joined by Sheffield United, who win their local derby, 2-1 at Hillsborough. Leicester’s European hopes fade with a 2-0 defeat at Charlton, but Peter Taylor has identified the problem: “We are missing a footballer.”

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Our round-up of the season outside the Premiership begins with Gavin Barber's assessment of the beached whales and battling plankton all at sea in the First

History was made in the First Division this year. The streets of Oxford rocked, fanfares sounded and choirs of angels sang, as the Manor Ground played host to English football’s first-ever pay-per-view bonanza – a 0-0 draw with Sunderland. Biz­arrely, adverts urging Sky sub­scribers to cough up £7.95 for the privilege of watching Niall Quinn were being broadcast on Talk Radio well into the second half of the game.

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