Life has, as ever, been stranger than fiction on Tyneside this season, to the dismay of the fans, but Harry Pearson wonders if their loyalty is part of the problem
“Patrick Kluivert was in the other night,” an employee at one of Newcastle’s most salubrious bars told me a few months ago. “By the time he’d walked from the door to the table he had the Jesmond wives stuck all over him like Elastoplast.”
Tuesday 1 Drama to the last in Sheffield United’s FA Cup fifth-round replay with Arsenal, settled by Manuel Almunia making two saves in a shoot-out after a 0‑0 draw. “An average Premiership side would have lost but Sheffield were electric for 120 minutes,” say Arsène. Brentford take a fourth-minute lead against Southampton, but lose 3‑1. Blackburn beat Burnley 2‑1 with a late goal from Morten Gamst Pedersen. Roy Keane is cleared of charges of assault over an incident near his home last year. Jermaine Pennant, however, is jailed for three months for drunk-driving while banned. “We will give him all the help and support he needs to turn his life around,” says Birmingham chief executive Karren Brady – paying him £3,000 a week might seem like help enough.
The resilience of Australian fans and some English satire catch Ian Plenderleith's attention this month, but it’s a site campaigning to give fans the right to leave their seats that really has him applauding
Enter the poetic world of the Wollongong Wolves, the Blackdown City Demons and (my favourite) Manly United at Back Of The Net!, a site devoted to Australian football. The above teams all play in the New South Wales Premier League (current leaders: the Bonnyrigg White Eagles) and this is the web location to find out how Manly’s Orhan Dincer recently scored past “a grasping Matthew Trott”. You feel the description of the goal must sound better than it actually looked.
Tuesday 1 “I think Arsenal are out of the title race,” says Sir Alex after a Cristiano Ronaldo double spurs Man Utd to a 4-2 Highbury win. Another vindictive encounter starts in the tunnel with Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira squaring up to each other; later Wayne Rooney breaks the UK all-comers record for swear words yelled in under a minute during a disagreement with referee Graham Poll and Mikaël Silvestre is sent off for butting Freddie Ljungberg. Fernando Morientes gets his first goal for fifth-placed Liverpool as they prevent Charlton moving ahead of them by winning 2-1 at The Valley. Middlesbrough are still without a league win in 2005 after a 2-1 defeat at Portsmouth. There’s a dramatic end to West Brom’s match against Palace, with the home side taking a 2-1 lead in injury time only for Aki Riihilahti to equalise; Iain Dowie’s side had played with ten men for 80 minutes following the dismissal of defender Gonzalo Sorondo. Fredi Kanouté is sent off at Bolton, after which Spurs concede two late goals to lose 3-1, their third defeat in a row. Motherwell reach the Scottish League Cup final for the first time in 50 years after a 3-2 extra-time win over Hearts.
Sunday 1 Mark Palios resigns, saying: “My action is essential to enable the Football Association to begin to return to normality.” Sven gossip-broker Colin Gibson is also reported to have offered to quit. At this rate Tord Grip will soon be answering the phones.