THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

Banning of tannoy music after a team scores. (And now I bet everyone else says “Players and fans of the world to join together in mutual respect and between them put an end to war and poverty” or something similar.) Harry Pearson

Kids on the streets of Manchester wearing Telford Utd shirts. Failing that, the streets of Telford would be a start. Steve Field

The glib response, which also happens to be true, is that I’d love Sunderland to be relegated. Seriously, the real hooligan revival that is sweeping the country needs to be addressed. Certain grounds, especially Old Trafford, have become a virtual war zone for away fans. Where are the statements of condemnation from the FSA and bodies such as IMUSA on this one? Ian Cusack

More of the promoted sides to stay up, with another big Premiership club to get relegated. Preferably Chelsea. Philip Cornwall

I would love for more clubs to become community based. It has worked at Bournemouth. This is the only way that smaller football clubs are going to thrive. I would like to see tighter controls introduced on the way that football operates, both at club level (rogue chairmen, land developers etc), and at governing level (distribution of wealth). The game is making a lousy go of self regulation. Mark Howell

For Clydebank to survive, be taken over and announce definite plans to return to Clydebank. David Munro

For many of the Champions League games to be played in front of half-empty stadiums. lt probably won’t make any financial difference to the clubs, and I’m sure the cameras will do their best to avoid showing the atmosphere, but at least it might delay the super league for ten minutes. John Earls

Security at big football matches which doesn’t involve funnelling thousands of people into as small an area or entrance as possible. Joyce Woolridge

We’ve become used to hearing managers, players and pundits criticising referees for apparent errors of judgment after every game.Referees should be given the same opportunity. They could highlight the deficiencies of inept and inconsistent managers and pour scorn on shoddy performances by so-called professional players using slow-motion replays to focus on their maladroit ball control, misdirected passes and mishit shots. Best of all, they could ridicule the “expert” pundits such as Alan Hansen and Andy Gray. Of course the referees would then be fined for bringing television into disrepute. Dave Robinson

A complete reassessment of the punishment system so that players can be penalised for petty indiscretions like kicking the ball away, not retreating etc by spending time in a sin-bin; these sort of offences shouldn’t carry disciplinary points into subsequent games. Yellow and red cards can then be saved for offences that threaten the physical safety of other players. Joe Boyle

It would be interesting see how much the bubble has burst in terms of how attractive the Premiership is to foreign talent: will the Gallic heart be ripped out of Arsenal as the exodus to the latest oasis of cash appears? AS Thomas

Sepp Blatter unmasked as a being from another galaxy and foiled in his dastardly mission to undermine the Earthmen’s morale by destroying their favourite sport. Damien Blake

Bradford City to win the Premiership having fought off a fantastic, Zidane-inspired, Liverpool challenge. John Williams

An improvement from the worst Dundee United team of my lifetime. Also, a Rangers team of 11 Latin Roman Catholics taking on a northern European, staunchly Protestant Celtic XI, while 60,000 Old Firm fans have a collective nervous breakdown. Ken Gall

For Barry Knight to have a bizarre accident to cut short his Nationwide League refereeing career. In reality, his controversy and style will undoubtedly take him to the Premier list – don’t say you weren’t warned. Nigel Harris

A couple of the mega-clubs tosuffer so badly from megalomania that they get relegated, lose all their decent players and call in the receiver. Failing that, I’d like to see Fidel Castro emerge from a hole in the centre circle on Cup final day and offer everyone a cigar. David Wangerin

Some of the cash flowing into the clubs from TV rights ought to see its way into fans’ pockets, via a reduction in admission prices. Football leaders like the PFA’s Gordon Taylor should stop defending the indefensible and press for a better deal for fans. Currently the revenue explosion is just fuelling a pay frenzy. But perhaps I’m just being an idealistic spoilsport. Richard Darn

Venables back as England manager (well, it’s a fantasy wish list, isn’t it?) – and a ban on Creatine, so we can shrink the Ray Parlours back to size. Cris Freddi

A European super league. Then Manchester United, Chelsea et al could take their superiority complexes and their overhyped players and sod off – hopefully taking a good deal of the corporate hangers-on with them. This would leave behind a more equitable, sustainable, competitive, cheap and no less entertaining domestic league structure. Not that I’m at all bitter, you understand. Anthony Hobbs

A salary cap to even up some of the inequalities in playing staffs between Premiership and First Division; a ban on media companies buying football clubs; a government proposal to keep football on free-to-air TV – it’s the national game, not a private one. Ashley Shaw

Hugh Dallas to get the European Cup final. When he was just “Hugh Dallas from Bonkle” he was doing East Stirlingshire v East Fife. When he was “Hugh Dallas from Wishaw” he was doing Barcelona v Dinamo Kiev in the Nou Camp. When he was “Hugh Dallas from Motherwell” he did the World Cup quarter-final (France v Italy) in Paris and the UEFA Cup final in Moscow. Just move to Edinburgh, Hugh – you’ll get to meet David Beckham. Alex Anderson

I would like to see Martin O’Neill doing his war dance on the touchline at the City Ground. I would like to see fans overcome their parochial prejudices and realise their potential collective muscle. I would like to see Alan Shearer punished for his sins. I would like to see more than three games in the season that are enjoyable. Padraig McKenna

From WSC 149 July 1999. What was happening this month

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