Only in the caricatured land of football is the King's Road thought of as trendy, argues Harry Pearson. Are you reading Mrs Karembeu?

Planet Football is a peculiar place, an alternative Earth where nothing ever changes and the hopelessly inaccurate can become the truth simply by repetition. This is a world where all Frenchmen are urbane, the whole of Brazil is a beach, no one relishes a trip to Turf Moor in January and everything north of Hadrian’s Wall is in Scotland. (How lucky Alf Ramsey was, by the way, that the Charlton boys chose to turn their backs on their native land and opt instead for England; and why don’t Newcastle United play in their own country, I wonder.)

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Ian Plenderleith enters the egocentric world of footballers' websites to discover new blends of philosophy, art criticism and Frank Leboeuf's love of frocks

The world is not a big enough place to accommodate the egos of most professional footballers, so it is not surprising that many of them have embraced the internet as a new forum to promote themselves and their brilliant achievements. It would be wrong to avoid such sites simply on the grounds that pros have little to tell us beyond how misunderstood they are, because in many cases their homepages are not just a vehicle for self-promotion, but unintentional platforms for ­protracted self-prattery.

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Ireland may not be Britain, but the downfall of of Jack Charlton's team against Holland in his last match in charge spoke volumes for the limitations of a certain British style, says Cris Freddi

Both sides had known for some time that the play-off was their only real chance of reaching the finals of Euro 96, but recent results left them with very different expectations. While Holland were winning their last three qualifiers without conceding a goal, the Republic had won only one of their last five, drawing in Liechtenstein and losing 3-1 home and away to Austria and 3-0 to group winners Portugal. Austria’s 5-3 defeat in Belfast gave them the play-off chance, but Big Jack’s reign seemed to be coming to an untidy end.

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Sunday 1 Leicester are top for the first time since JFK was president after drawing with Sunderland – “We’re grinders,” says Peter Taylor – while Man Utd lose to a Thierry Henry “wonder goal”. “It was so spectacular. He’ll never do it again,” says Sir Alex, comp­limentary yet grudging. Chelsea recover from their midweek embarrassment to beat Liverpool 3-0. “I find it difficult to forgive international players when they make mistakes like we did today,” snaps Gérard.

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The council wants to build Hull a new ground. David Lloyd, rugby league and crashing phone shares stand in the way Craig Ellyard reports

Prior to the Taylor Report, Hull City’s Boothferry Park was one of the newest football stadiums in the country. Yet even then, though barely 50 years old, the ground once described as the Wembley of the north was but a neglected shell of its former self. After Hillsborough, new and improved stadiums sprang up all over the country, yet Boothferry and its incumbent club continued to rot. Now, though, a bright future of shiny plastic seats and a trendy new super stadium awaits City sup­porters. Possibly.

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