Are self-deprecation and sexual repression at the heart of English football? Harry Pearson thinks it may be so

The English are routinely disparaging about English football. Part of it is frustration at years of failure, but mainly it is a way of distancing ourselves from other English people. Our ancestors long ago perfected the art of self-deprecation once removed. When the English speak of the English they are not speaking of themselves but of, you know, those other “typical” English people. Thus when an English person says that “the English are sexually repressed”, what they are actually telling you is: “I am not sexually repressed.”

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Yes, Delia Smith committed quite the faux-pas with her half-time rantings, says Caroline Bailey, but perhaps it's been taken a bit too far

There was a time when “doing a Delia” meant investing in a non-stick omelette pan. But since that infamous night in February when the Norwich City director, eyes rolling like a colicky mare, tottered on to the Carrow Road turf with a microphone, it has come to mean something slightly different.

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According to Gavin Willacy, Wembley isn't the FA's only major project not going to plan

Most of the Football Association’s many problems at present are dealt with on the back pages. But one major story has slipped through the net. The new Wembley has been beset by industrial action, financial difficulties and schedule set-backs, but these have been forgiven by everyone who catches a breath-taking glimpse of it taking shape.

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The scuffle at St James' Park was anything but savoury, but let's not get carried away

If you look outside for a moment, it’s likely that the streets will be awash with children scrapping with each other in imitation of the fight broadcast from St James’ Park on April 2. Some will be pretending to be Lee Bowyer or Kieron Dyer, others will have been assigned the roles of peacekeeper Gareth Barry and bystander Lee Hendrie. Who knows where it may lead? When will footballers realise that they are role models whose every action, however stupid, will likely be mirrored by impressionable youngsters?

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Tuesday 1 “I think Arsenal are out of the title race,” says Sir Alex after a Cristiano Ronaldo double spurs Man Utd to a 4-2 Highbury win. Another vindictive encounter starts in the tunnel with Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira squaring up to each other; later Wayne Rooney breaks the UK all-comers record for swear words yelled in under a minute during a disagreement with referee Graham Poll and Mikaël Silvestre is sent off for butting Freddie Ljungberg. Fernando Morientes gets his first goal for fifth-placed Liverpool as they prevent Charlton moving ahead of them by winning 2-1 at The Valley. Middlesbrough are still without a league win in 2005 after a 2-1 defeat at Portsmouth. There’s a dramatic end to West Brom’s match against Palace, with the home side taking a 2-1 lead in injury time only for Aki Riihilahti to equalise; Iain Dowie’s side had played with ten men for 80 minutes following the dismissal of defender Gonzalo Sorondo. Fredi Kanouté is sent off at Bolton, after which Spurs concede two late goals to lose 3-1, their third defeat in a row. Motherwell reach the Scottish League Cup final for the first time in 50 years after a 3-2 extra-time win over Hearts.

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