Sunday 1 Arsenal are back on top after a stormy 2-1 win over Man City. Nicolas Anelka scores the latter’s goal in the 90th minute but is sent off before the restart for a bundle in the goalmouth. Surprisingly, his sparring partner Ashley Cole is only booked. Chelsea just about stay in touch, needing a late winner from Glen Johnson to beat Blackburn 3-2. Sir Alex, meanwhile, faces a decision: to climb down in his court case or finally file papers with the judge in Dublin…
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Saturday 1 Leeds are bottom of the Premiership after a 4-1 home defeat by Arsenal. Mark Viduka is left out of the squad after missing a players’ meeting and arriving late for training. “If I started looking over my shoulder with all this speculation, I wouldn’t be able to look forward,” quips Peter Reid. Chelsea beat Everton 1-0 at Goodison Park, but defeat fails to stop Wayne Rooney dressing up as Oliver Hardy for his 18th birthday party, where guests include Atomic Kitten, Robbie Williams and “more than 200 friends”. Man Utd beat Portsmouth 3-0 at Old Trafford, Cristiano Ronaldo pausing long enough between performances of the hokey-cokey to score his first goal for the club, while at White Hart Lane Jay-Jay Okocha inspires Bolton to a 1-0 win over Spurs. Manchester City beat Southampton 2-0 at St Mary’s amid rumours that Nicolas Anelka’s absence from the City side is a consequence of his failure to attend a clay pigeon-shooting trip. “Mills is just a fucking idiot,” observes the usually unflappable Paul Ince after Danny Mills’s altercation with Lee Naylor creates confusion from which Gaizka Mendieta scores Boro’s first goal in a 2-0 victory over Wolves – a surly afternoon ends with police quelling a full-time mêlée in the tunnel. First Division leaders Wigan beat Crystal Palace 5-0, Andy Liddell’s two goals making him the club’s all-time highest goalscorer. Wimbledon win their first game at Milton Keynes, 2-1 against Bradford, but stay bottom. West Brom’s Darren Williams faces a police investigation for kicking a spare ball off the pitch and injuring a woman in the crowd during the goalless draw with Sunderland. QPR are the only club in the top nine of the Second Division to win, beating Stockport 2-1 at Edgeley Park and moving up to third place. Leaders Plymouth draw 2-2 with Oldham, while Brighton also draw 2-2 against Peterborough in Mark McGhee’s first match in charge. In Division Three, leaders Hull are held 2-2 at home by Macclesfield, allowing Doncaster and Oxford to edge closer as both win.
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Saturday 1 Germany 1 England 5, and a hat-trick for Michael Owen after the home team had taken any early lead. “For a non-German it must have been a brilliant spectacle,” sighs Franz Beckenbauer. “I would have been happy with 2-1,” says Sven, containing his excitement. “When we scored the third, fourth and fifth goals we just looked at each other, trying to figure out what the hell was going on,” says a shocked David Beckham. Ireland’s 1-0 win over Holland means they will make the play-offs at least, while their opponents are out, tactical maestro and all. “The pitch was too dry, which made it more difficult for us to pass the ball,” Louis van Gaal explains. Wales and Scotland are held to goalless draws by Armenia and Croatia. Northern Ireland get a 1-1 draw in Denmark. An Englishman also makes the decisive contribution to events in Group 1 as a dubious last-minute penalty gives Slovenia a 2-1 win over Russia – referee Graham Poll is denounced as “a snivelling creep” by Russia’s Alexander Mostovoi. Former ITV commentator Brian Moore dies.
Dear WSC
I’m sorry for having caused a misunderstanding with a line from my piece, Hardcore Football. Of course Derek Megginson is perfectly right (Letters, WSC No 111): Matthäus, Völler and Klinsmann were neither born in the Ruhr, nor have they ever played for a team from this region; actually, few places can be imagined that are further removed from the Ruhr than these gentlemen’s respective birthplaces. And that, I have to confess, was supposed to be my point.“Matthäus, Völler, Klinsmann . . . they all come from here, the Ruhr” was not meant to be taken literally; it functions as a metaphor (to avoid another complaint: yes, in highbrow lingo it’s a synecdoche). I thought a reader would stumble over this statement and, as a consequence, have a closer look at the err, subordinate clause, “the place where German football was spawned”. No matter how smart, suave and stinking rich these modern pros may be, they are still footballing descendants of the men with furry brows and callused hands. That’s what I wanted to say; and I thought it would work, because few people ran out and checked JFK’s birth certificate when he claimed, “Ich bin ein Berliner.” Alas, it’s not what you want to say, it’s what you say. Any misunderstanding in a text is always the writers;’ fault; metaphors are tricky bastards, and they have fooled better writers than me. We all make mistakes (Derek made one too: Pelé wasn’t born in Scarborough; he was born in Tres Caracoes, Brazil; it’s true that he spent the summers of his youth in Scarborough, with his uncle Simon Garfunkel, but he never would have qualified for Walter Winterbottom’s team). I promise to be less pretentious from now on.
Ulrich Hesse-Lichtenberger, Witten (birthplace of nobody), Germany (home to few)