When the fish brings the glove. That’s what they say in New Caledonia when they can’t be specific about a time or date. For example: “When will my opal-studded headdress be ready?” “Well, when the fish brings the glove – you know how these things are.” Or it can also be used to express something improbable: “Do you think they’ll discuss Logical Positivism in the Big Brother garden tonight?” “Yeah, when the fish brings the glove.”

It is thought that the phrase originated here because someone saw a fish with a glove once, but no one believed him and the phenomenon has not been witnessed since. Horizon Sport are a small club formed by an unambitious but enthusiastic collective who believed they would only win silverware “when the fish brought the glove”. The saying doesn’t really translate very well to other countries, but, to be honest, when you’re living on an island this deep into the South Pacific, it isn’t that important to make sense. Cameron Carter

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