Robbie Fowler. If someone in the office, a friend, a brother, whoever had acted like he had you’d reassess your job, social life, genes. Joe Boyle
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Stories
Saturday 2 FA Cup headlines are made at Rushden, where Leeds are held to a goalless draw, Forest, who lose 1-0 to Portsmouth – Dave Bassett’s non-attendance at a post-match press conference fuelling speculation that he may be about to quit – Upton Park where Swansea are minutes away from beating West Ham before a Julian Dicks goal forces a replay, and at the Dell, where metropolitan fat cats Fulham are denied victory by a last-minute equaliser from Southampton’s Egil Ostenstad. Yeovil also concede a late goal in a draw at Cardiff but the other non-League team, Southport, are beaten 2-0 at home by Leyton Orient. This week’s FA inquiry will look into an incident during Chelsea’s 2-0 win at Oldham when referee Paul Durkin was struck by a hot dog (tomato sauce, no onions) though stewards claim it was only a sausage roll.
Sunday 3 Man Utd recover from a goal down to beat Middlesbrough 3-1 with the help of a penalty decision, given for Neil Maddison’s “trip” on Nicky Butt, that Alex is happy with for once: “If Graham Barber gave it must have been a penalty.” Another questionable spotkick, acquired and scored by Michael Owen, sets Liverpool on the way to a 3-0 win over Port Vale. In Scotland Rangers go four points clear at the top, and ten points ahead of Celtic, after the Old Firm “New Year’s Day” match ends 2-2. There are 50,000 Scots in the crowd and eight on the pitch.
Monday 4 A Cup shock looks on the cards for half an hour at Preston, where the home team race into a two-goal lead against Arsenal, before eventually going down 4-2. Controversy surrounds Arsenal's third goal, which is preceded by Preston defender Ryan Kidd being laid out by an elbow from substitute striker Fabian Caballero (don't ask). "I think there was an elbow incident and that was disappointing," says home manager David Moyes. "We don't need to start fights to win matches," snaps Arsene.
Tuesday 1 Home wins in the Worthington for Sunderland, who score two in the last minute in beating Luton 3-0, and Wimbledon, where the holders Chelsea suffer their first defeat in 19 games. Gianluca becomes the 1,000th defeated manager to say: “We tried to play football, not long ball like Wimbledon,” while Joe Kinnear virtually writes his own invite to an FA disciplinary hearing by announcing that his players “had a nice few bob” on themselves to win the tournament at the start of the season.
Wednesday 2 In the Worthington Spurs beat a Man Utd team featuring nine changes from their last match. “Some clubs may treat this tournament lightly but we’re not in a position to do so,” says George. “Even the best teams can’t win all the time,” sniffs Alex. In the other tie, recent cup specialists Leicester plough on with a 1-0 win over Blackburn , who announce that they have been given permission to talk to Brian Kidd about their managerial vacancy. “I just hope he decides to stay,” whispers Alex, being brave for the sake of the kids.
Wednesday 1 In the Champions League Man Utd recover from conceding a goal in the first minute to beat Juventus 3-2 at Old Trafford. "This is a measure of how far we've come," says Alex beaming fit to burst. "If we put another three goals past Peruzzi in Rome next week we will be on our way to the World Cup finals," says Phil Neville, getting carried away. Newcastle come back from two down in Kiev to draw with two late goals, the second a bizarre deflection. Their luck is offset, though, by an injury to Tino Asprilla which will keep him out for at least a month. In the Coke, Sheffield Wed go out to Grimsby on a 4-3 aggregate. "It was another bad night at the office," says David Pleat, who may not be working late for much longer.
Thursday 2 Bad news for bar staff around Manchester – Roy Keane's cruciate injury will keep him out for the rest of the season.
Tuesday 2 Rio Ferdinand is dropped from the England squad for the Moldova game after being arrested for drink driving. His mum blames it on alcopops still in his system from the day before when he'd celebrated his England call up with West Ham team-mates. If we're reading Glenn's complex moral code correctly, Rio would have been OK if he'd only beaten his girlfriend. Scottish Secretary Donald Dewar criticizes the SFA for not postponing their World Cup match against Belarus due for Saturday, the day of Princess Diana's funeral, saying, "The government wants Saturday to be a day of remembrance not a day of sport." "Colin Hendry is out and big Donald would be a welcome addition to the back four," chirps the SFA's Jim Farry.
Wednesday 3 Scotland's match is moved to Sunday afternoon after it is established that FIFA weren't opposed to the rescheduling. The Rangers players in the squad had threatened to pull out if the match went ahead on Saturday, their decision possibly not unconnected to the fact that the club's vice-chairman Donald Finlay has led the calls for Jim Farry to resign. In the First Division Nottingham Forest lose their 100% record with a 3-1 home defeat against Manchester City.