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Matt Nation’s enjoyment of sixth-tier football in Germany has taken a hit. A long bike ride to the game was just the start of an afternoon of play-acting, clumsy football and dodgy sausages

Just as titles are proverbially won or lost on wet weekday evenings against the league’s dunces, cycling to a football match into a headwind without a handkerchief will make you reconsider whether you attend sixth-tier football because you like it or because you’ve not got the resources to do anything else. After 15 miles on a blustery trunk road, not even the most carefully placed boys’ brigade blow will prevent your cuffs from looking like they’ve been overrun by a battalion of molluscs. Getting to this game has made you look and feel disgusting. Your willingness to turn a blind eye is thus slightly lower than it might otherwise be.

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Dear WSC
Nice to see Tranmere physio Les Parry get some recognition in WSC 255 (Shot!), although he is no stranger to fame. Not only did he win a competition to find the fastest physio in the country a few years ago (with the final being held before the League Cup final), he is probably the only physio in the country – nay, the world – who has his own chant. The verses are seldom sung these days, as they refer to players such as Andy Thorn who have long retired (a further sign of his longevity), but the chorus, to the tune of I am the Music Man, of “Physi, physi, physio. Physio Les Parry” still rings out when he sprints on to the pitch to repair yet another Tranmere player clattered to the ground by some carthorse of a third-division defender.
John Rooney, Bristol

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Dear WSC
The substitutes’ bench at a football stadium should be exactly that – a rickety, splintered wooden structure, also housing an elderly physio with a smoker’s cough, that players will be only too keen to get away from. Yet several Premier League clubs, including Newcastle and Spurs, have comfortable seats for the substitutes that look like something from the executive class on an aeroplane. These players won’t feel motivated to leave their padded headrests with optional vibro-massage function in order to run around in the wind and rain. What next – soothing music piped in through headsets? Treat them mean to keep them keen, for God’s sake.
Glyn Teasdale, via email

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Tuesday 2 Chelsea gazump Man Utd over PSV’s Arjen Robben, who will join them in the summer for £13 million. PSV chairman Harry van Raaij accuses United of cutting their original bid in half: “We were very disappointed over how low they believed they could push us.” The top two in Division One, Norwich and West Brom, draw 0-0 at Carrow Road. Forest, unbeaten in five games under Joe Kinnear, go four points clear of the drop zone after a 1-0 win at Wimbledon. Plymouth stretch their lead in the Second to four points after beating Sheffield Wed 2-0, as Bristol City are held 1-1 at home by Wycombe.

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Ian Plenderleith recalls an usual cup tie consisting of flares, invading fans and a surreal amount of goals

Have you ever had your home stadium taken over by away fans? I don’t just mean being outsung by supporters of a victorious opponent, or having your end steamed in on by a bunch of future novelists. We’re talking here about an occupying army, a cacophonous, flag-waving force running on the adrenalin of new-found nationalism, a rabble which banged, bayed and basked in its superiority of numbers for 90 minutes and more while the awe-smitten home supporters barely squeaked.

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