A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

7 October 2016 ~

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Hopes that a post-Sepp Blatter FIFA would be a better-run organisation are now receding. The latest cause for concern is new president Gianni Infantino's proposal of a 48-team World Cup. This looks like madness to us – how will we fit them all on a wallchart?  

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Sabah150Badge of the week ~ Sabah FA, Malaysia 
Pole dancing is very big in Malaysia – it is, in fact, the national sport. Competitors turn up to take part in a gruelling three days of pole dancing and mingling. The dancers are judged on four disciplines: style, sexiness, dance difficulty and bored face.

The current national champion, Kitty Teo, won with her interpretation of Dana's Something's Cooking In The Kitchen, wearing nothing but a baroque print kimono and oven gloves. The sexiness rating was high but her bored face received perfect tens from all five judges, and was apparently based on YouTube footage of Ian Wright being talked through an endowment mortgage.

Sabah FA are justly proud of providing 12 winners of the national championship and have incorporated in their crest's iconography the more family friendly half of the famous "Raising The Flag" routine which won the first-ever contest for pole-dancing legend Lilian "Stoneface" Iskandar. Cameron Carter

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from Mike Ticher
"A koala pitch invasion in Australia – fair turn of speed on it."

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West Ham announce a new film about their stadium move. It's not clear if it's intended to be a comedy

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This Liverpool cuckoo clock has 580 million potential customers, apparently.

LiverpoolClock240

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from Tim Free
"It's one thing banning smoking, missiles, bottles, flares etc... but is this the next challenge for supporters?"

Dorking400

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from Richard Mason
"I've never seen anything like the goal from inside his own half scored by AlbinoLeffe's Massimo Loviso after about 15 seconds against Gubbio. It didn't end happily, though. Gubbio won 2-1 after AlbinoLeffe had dominated…for the first 15 seconds."

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BBC mix up managerial appointments.

BBCVillaManager600

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Also in the news this week
Snoop Dogg loves Burnley
Arsène gets a vase for his 20th anniversary
Triple save of the week

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