A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

15 January 2016 ~ 

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FIFA have banned Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid from registering players for the next two transfer windows, after breaching rules over the signing of minors. Just think what these clubs could achieve if the authorities weren't conspiring against them.

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Wigry150Badge of the week ~ SKS Wigry Suwalki, Poland
In the Suwalki region of Poland, an area famous around the world for its key cutting, there have long been tales of a sea monster that attacks pleasure boats. The first reported sighting was by a river pilot in 1863, who recorded in his log seeing at dusk “either an eldritch sea serpent, hideous to behold, or a log” in the river at its deepest point. Other sightings of about this time include that of an elderly couple in a pony-and-trap who told their hosts when they arrived of witnessing “either a rearing, swaying giant monster of the deep emerging from the water or a log”.

The most famous photograph of the monster, whom locals grew to know as The Log Serpent, was taken in 1928 by a keen amateur photographer on the banks of the river and seems to depict a large, long-necked shadowy form, in the process of crossing the lonely road to crash through gorse into the river, or a log. To this day the legend lives on. The club use a sea serpent in their crest as their stadium is quite near the river and the focus group preferred the image of a sea monster against white sails to the alternative of a log on water. Cameron Carter

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from Ed Parkinson
“While I was perusing the racks of sugary drinks at my local Carrefour I was surprised to spot the face of Karim Benzema. He was wearing a France shirt and grimacing at me from a bottle bearing UEFA's official tournament logo for 2016. Given his suspension from the French squad for allegedly being part of a criminal conspiracy to blackmail his team-mate Mathieu Valbuena he seemed an odd choice.”

BenzemaCoke

“Better news for Spurs fans though. Clean-living Hugo Lloris is watching the calories on the Coke Zero bottles so he'll be nice and trim when he gets back to White Hart Lane even if they give him loads of freebies.”

LlorisCoke

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David Bowie appears at his local football ground. And a tribute from Arsène Wenger.

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At the Ballon D’or awards, Paul Pogba and Samuel Eto’o provide strong support for the notion that the more you spend on clothes the worse you look.

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Also in the news this week
MIA v PSG
Liverpool want to trademark “The Normal One”
Kazakh fans to vote for new national coach

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