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11 September 2015 ~

Last week Chelsea unveiled plans for a remodeled 61,000-capacity Stamford Bridge, as "a proud homage to Westminster Abbey". There are plans for stained glass windows of biblical scenes featuring John Terry in full kit.

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Wanderers150Badge of the week ~ Mighty Wanderers FC, Malawi
“Be Forward” is the motto of Mighty Wanderers FC. Historically the club have been very forward. Their founder member was the first person in the country to approach a woman with what we now recognise as a chat-up line. This historic encounter was transcribed in its entirety as follows:

Him: “How do you like your breakfast in the morning?”

Her: “How do you mean?” 

Him: “Is that a ‘No’?”

As the team established itself and grew in stature, its individuals’ attempts at being forward garnered better results. At the club’s first ever Christmas party, for example, their goalkeeper got lucky with the exchange:

Him: “I have copious amounts of bread and ginger at home.”

Her: “You will have to go through my father and his father.”

Him: “They’re ok with it.”

Her: “You’re a one.” 

Since then, the club have been very forward, not just romantically, but also in technological and scientific advancements, being the first team in Malawi to have a UFO expert on its staff. The horse on the club crest, incidentally, is The Forward Horse. Cameron Carter

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Own goal of the week, from 1860 Munich reserves' match against Jahn Regensburg. The opposition even have the nerve to congratulate each other.

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from David Montgomery
“The hazards of being an Irish League steward are clear about 19 seconds into this video.”

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“The staff like to fill glass tumblers with little sweets and leave them out for you.” The England squad will be delighted with their Euro 2016 base.

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from Tom Lines

“Bury manager David Flitcroft with an early contender for most unfathomable haunted cinema metaphor of the season.”

“Although Walsall made the better chances after Bury’s opener, Flitcroft stressed the Shakers’ early lead was no more than they deserved. 'It was the ultimate team performance, in everything we did,' he said. 'In a good film, you never remember the start of the film. It’s only ghosts that remember the start of the film and you always remember the end.'"

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Films with a colon in the title are never any good – and this is unlikely to be an exception.

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Also in the news this week
Terrible league rebrand ahoy

Bale free kick blocked by magic

Government criticised for Olympic Stadium response

Forest Under-18s have their goal of the season already

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