A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
27 June 2014 ~

Talking about the Luis Suárez bite ahead of FIFA's response, Danny Mills said: "They have got to throw him in jail and lock him up forever." So he must be kept in jail even after he's died. This is the sort of out-of-the-box thinking that got Danny a place on that FA Commission.

ManziniBadge of the week ~ Manzini Sea Birds, Swaziland
Two things are wrong. Firstly, Manzini is a city in Swaziland that is not situated near the sea. So immediately one raises the eyebrows at the club's name. We can overlook this geographical anomaly – perhaps the people of Manzini, historically, looked at inland birds first for inspiration but found them lacking, turning their attention instead to their more fascinating coastal-based brethren – but we cannot in conscience ignore the poverty of the iconography on display here.

The badge designers have not trusted their artistic ability or ornithological knowledge. Rather than go to work on a stirring depiction of the majestic Storm Petrel or Arctic Tern, the design team have opted out entirely, producing a scratchy drawing of what may be two men in dressing-gowns ascending a hill. This is an unbelievably sloppy piece of work that should never have got past Quality Control.

What can the manager say during an inspirational half-time team-talk: "You have what may be two men in dressing-gowns climbing a steep hill on your chest, now go out and play like it!" Of course he can't. You're crazy if you think he can. Cameron Carter


Roy Hodgson: tunesmith.

Hodgson is famed for his singing ability with many claiming his rendition of 'Pick a Pocket or Two' from Oliver the musical by Lionel Bart better than anybody else's.


Those pre-match player pictures are put to better use.


from Phil Town

"The 10th anniversary of an online car showroom coincides with that of a famous save, in a shootout against England. Former Portugal keeper Ricardo: 'Ten years ago, I was making history.'"


Ezequiel Lavezzi provides support for rumours that Alex Sabella is not entirely respected by his players.


Also in the news this week
The cult figure of Brazil 2014, Miguel Herrera, shares a big moment.
Chris Smalling may get post-football work as a lookalike.
A Scandinavian biting bet.
Harry Redknapp stirs things up.

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