A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
10 May 2013 ~
Finally, the management news we were anticipating since rumours surfaced on Tuesday has been confirmed: John Hughes sacked by Hartlepool.
Badge of the week ~ St Neots Town
St Neot is the patron saint of rural paranoia, which is like urban paranoia but with longer intervals between events. St Neot was originally an English shepherd who heard the voice of God while tending his flock, only it was the voice of God complaining about St Neot to someone else. This vexed and confused the young man and he sold his flock the next day in order to raise money for a golden cloak and sombrero.
It is unclear why he thought this the correct thing to do in the circumstances. Nonetheless, he became instantly recognisable in the district and people travelled from far and wide to witness his folly at first hand. St Neot became devoutly Christian when he mistook the bleating of newborn lambs for derisive laughter and spent the next 20 years angrily spreading the word of God and performing short performances of dexterity with two batons (pictured) while marching up and down, which the assembled crowds appreciated without really knowing why.
St Neot was due to be martyred for heresy in 1316 on account of the erotic nature of his baton twirling but the church did not have the resources or manpower at the time and he was spared. Every first Saturday in June the town of St Neots holds a procession in which majorettes parade around the market square in gold cloaks and sombreros, taking the names of anyone who laughs at them. Cameron Carter
To think that Leonardo seemed like such a nice man when he was a World Cup pundit on the BBC in 2006. No manners at all now.
from Keith Willis
"'Can you hear the Brommapojkarna sing?' Yes, just about."
Chivas USA keeper Dan Kennedy must have offended this commentator, who seems to take great pleasure in his sending off.
Southampton's Luke Shaw reacts surprisingly well to some rather sharp abuse.
from Paul Joyce
"Werder Bremen have banned Eintracht Frankfurt fans from taking xylophones with them to Saturday's match. No news so far about glockenspiels, triangles or harps."
A Danish TV reporter is floored by an extremely late tackle. Unsurprisingly, the subsequent smile looks rather forced.
Getting shirty Notable kits of yesteryear
Fleetwood Town home, 2005-06
The 2005-06 season was a momentous one for Fleetwood. After re-forming in 1997 as Fleetwood Freeport following a deal with the local discount shopping centre, the club played in a striking white and broken-red striped kit for its first season. Promotion to the North West Counties Premier Division followed in 1999, and in 2002, the club released its first replica kit, in an unholy alliance with Prostar and the Fleetwood Weekly News.
The next year, we were bought by current chairman Andy Pilley. He began a transformation that would see us rise five divisions in just eight years. Pilley's BES Gas energy brokerage, applied to the shirt at a charmingly slapdash angle, has been the sponsor ever since. Le Coq Sportif provided the kit which, with its red with white sleeves, marked a return to our traditional colours from the 1920s. In 2005-06, we overturned a five-goal differential on the final day against Kendal Town to win promotion from Northern Premier Division One on goal difference.
We also wore a near-identical version of this shirt during the 2007-08 campaign. Chasing the Northern Premier title but ten points off the pace at Easter, we needed a win from our penultimate game, at Leek Town, to go top. Deep into the second half, a clearance from a corner fell to part-timer Warren Beattie. For what seemed like an age, he chested, kneed and then volleyed the ball, which fizzed into the top corner from 30 yards out. At full time, the players piled into the stands, and we claimed the title on the following Saturday. Glorious. Alasdair Pal