A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
13 July 2012 ~
Following his omission from the Team GB football squad, David Beckham has been considered for several other roles at the Games, including the ludicrous idea that he could light the Olympic flame at the opening ceremony. We suggest tail-plaiter for the dressage, javelin retriever or collector of weightlifters' urine samples.
Badge of the week ~ TSW Pegasus, Hong Kong
It is worth spending a few moments to contemplate the majesty of this image, the antidote to all the bare, lacklustre badges that seem to satisfy the artistic vision of most crest designers. The Classicists among you will perhaps bridle at the use of a mythological creature from the Ancient Greek canon, hijacked for the iconography of a Far Eastern institution. But, while the epic flight of Belleraphon to Mount Olympus was quintessentially Greek, the catering was organised by a team from Hong Kong.
I myself saw a Classicist bridle once when a layperson suggested that Aphrodite looked a little like former world flyweight champion Charlie Magri on the temple walls of Corinth. They are always bridling, though, Classicists, it's an occupational hazard. Of course TSW Pegasus have used the divine winged horse to represent the Heroic Journey and it must have been a glory to behold the white horse bestriding the Heavens in those far-off times, although a bit of a pain if it crapped on you. Cameron Carter
Younger viewers may need a bit of explanation but here is a fictional simpleton taking penalties against Ron Saunders.
It's difficult to keep up with transfers over the summer. André Santos forgets that Yossi Benayoun doesn't play for Arsenal anymore.
Burma's Noble Prize-wining opposition leader seems to be taking a keen interest in Hyde FC, newly promoted to the Conference.
Liverpool were known for not having a mascot. But that's about to change. They could run a competition for fans to guess what it's supposed to be.
From Ed Upright
"Robbie Keane doesn't usually inspire much sympathy but this 'flat Robbie' stunt is the exception that proves the rule."
From Paul Curry
"The no 66 for Glenavon is most unexpected. My local non-League team, Hebburn Town, play them on Saturday, and if he's in the first team, I'm going.
Getting shirty Notable kits of yesteryear
Stafford Rangers home, 2006-08
Stafford Rangers won promotion to the Conference in May 2006. One of the better-known names in non-League football, they had spent the best part of the 1980s and early 1990s at the top level but hadn't played there since 1995. This Vandanel shirt, in the club's traditional black and white stripes, was worn for their most recent Conference outing. The shirt sponsor, Kingdom Mortgages & Finance, was a Stafford-based company owned by Paul Cope. He was arrested in 2008 and subsequently found guilty of serious fraud, having duped banks and finance houses into paying for non-existent hospital equipment.
In 2006-07 the club struggled to compete in a strong league and only avoided an immediate return to the Conference North with a win on the final day of the season. They fared better in the FA Cup, where they made the second round, beating Scarborough and Maidenhead United before losing 3-0 at Brighton's Withdean Stadium in front a crowd of 5,741.
Rangers fought a losing battle the following season. Former Wolves legend Steve Bull took over as manager in February 2008 but he couldn't save the club from relegation only a few months later. Bull lasted until December 2008. In subsequent seasons, other household names Tim Flowers (Southampton, Blackburn and England) and Matt Elliott (Leicester and Scotland) both had short spells at the helm. Stafford Rangers, the club responsible for spawning the career of Stan Collymore, now play two levels below the Conference in the Northern League Premier Division. Andy Ollerenshaw