A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

8 July 2016 ~

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Plans to introduce Premier League Under-21s teams to the EFL Trophy are in chaos after Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham declined their invitations, while Manchester United and Liverpool may follow suit. Manchester City, meanwhile, "have made a decision but are not prepared to make it public". At least wondering whether one of the teams will turn up adds a bit of excitement to an away fixture against Accrington.

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EttifaqBadge of the week ~ Al Ettifaq Club, Saudi Arabia
Al Ettifaq are one of several Middle Eastern football teams heavily influenced by Echo and the Bunnymen. Indeed it was possible, until recently, to major at the University of Jeddah in Meaning and Non-Meaning in the Lyrics of Echo and the Bunnymen. The badge image refers of course to that classic Bunnymen track Bring On The Dancing Horses. As the first lines of that record state: “Jimmy Brown, made of stone; Charlie Brown, no way home; Bring on the dancing horses…”.

Here of course we have an immediate reference to James Brown, former editor of Loaded, who was thought by the magazine’s owners to have a sense of humour because of his curly hair, but who, in fact, had none and is rumoured to have fined a sub-editor on one occasion for objectifying an actress ironically. Hence he was “made of stone”.

Charlie Brown is either the little boy in the Peanuts cartoon strip or Charles Brown, the American blues pianist, who was known for having very poor access to his flat. Brown had to wait for his co-tenant, a fruiterer, to close his shop and allow him to walk through to a staircase at the rear. He was for many years known as “Poor Access” Brown, but had to change to the snappier “Charles” because there was already a Dixieland trumpeter called Thomas “Ring & Wait” Carhooly.

The dancing horses, of course, are the articles of the Geneva Convention. The players run out to Bring On The Dancing Horses at every home match, but, disappointingly, I Like To Move It Move It is played when they score. Cameron Carter

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Wayne Rooney is not looking after his “hair” properly.

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Please keep Welsh children off the pitch.

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Swedish coach addresses Icelandic crowd in English. That’s so cosmopolitan.

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Joe Hart is “too horizontal” says Fabien Barthez.

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from Karl Laycock
“As a Mansfield Town fan I’m no stranger to us getting knocked back in the transfer market, but rarely in such bizarre circumstances.”

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Manchester City's latest signing will never make it on to the pitch.

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Also in the news this week
Bosnian football fan asks for help in choosing a club

Football League Trophy plan leaked
Walsall’s new kit. The fans will remember it
The fate of Jose Mourinho’s 49 young debutants

 

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