A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

15 April 2016 ~

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Leicester-supporting referee Kevin Friend has been taken off Tottenham's match against Stoke this weekend, with the referees' professional body PGMOL saying that "it was felt unnecessary to add extra scrutiny on the refereeing appointment". But as Friend had already refereed Spurs games this season without a similar fuss, all the PGMOL have achieved is to undermine one of their own officials. So now it's only fair that we are told who every member of the PGMOL supports – just to avoid any unnecessary extra scrutiny.

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Tajikistan150Badge of the week ~ Tajikistan FA
Broccoli is a very significant plant in Tajikistan. It is said to have healing powers – not like here where it is widely believed that eating broccoli can heal the individual from ever wanting food again – but proper healing powers.

There are countless stories from this country of its remedial properties. The first foreign minister had an unusual affliction which caused him to lob hand grenades into septic tanks, a craving that only abated when he was shown a colour image of broccoli in the wild. It was a bit embarrassing for the country that one of its senior ministers was regularly involved in this activity but he was a very good foreign minister with a nice dry handshake.

Another time, a famous Tajikistan actor (he had a big part in the popular soap opera Lime Kiln People) fell perilously sick with a mystery illness and only started to recover after he was fed broccoli for a week behind closed doors by three budding young actresses. As a result of all of these tales, broccoli is held in high esteem and is brought out and waved on many ceremonial occasions. In fact, if you want to really insult someone from Tajikistan, compliment their broccoli by saying “Nice calabrese”. Cameron Carter

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from Russell Galbraith
“This thumping foul happened last week but I thought it was worth highlighting.”

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Robert Huth is planning a change in style next season.

Huth500

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A superbly judged own goal in an Oceania Champions League match. Good job his team won 6-1

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Zenit decide to give the Mail Online a taste of their own medicine.

ZenitMail400

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The mathematics of Panini collecting.

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Also in the news this week
Bulgarian penalty kick turns into a water fight
Neymar earns “only” £77,000 per week
West Ham stadium deal revealed
Leicester and Financial Fair Play

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