A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

26 February 2016 ~

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There will be a new FIFA president voted in by this evening. The choice is between Michel Platini's former right-hand man at UEFA, a man accused of involvement in human rights abuses and a member of a hereditary monarchy. It looks like a great new era for football.

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Malucelli150Badge of the week ~ J Malucelli Futebol, Brazil
This isn’t the type of badge one wears with pride. Not the type of badge one can imaging Johnny Giles or Billy Bremner wearing, for example, without a heated discussion with the manager and the club’s executive. Nor is it the kind of badge a man can kiss after scoring to demonstrate his allegiance to the club since recent negotiations have increased his weekly take-home pay by 20 per cent.

The figure displayed on this crest is that of an affable simpleton who says hello to everyone and joins in with a pub quiz team to avoid sitting alone at the bar and three questions into the second round can be seen gazing glassy-eyed out of the window at the shop lights in the rain. The rule here is: if you cannot answer questions, don't join a quiz team. Friendliness counts for nothing in a quiz. There are no points for friendliness.

Anyway, J Malucelli use this image because they are a nice, approachable community club with a large family enclosure and a midget who circulates the ground holding a balloon at half time. The club motto, translated, is "We're really no trouble". Cameron Carter

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We missed this when it first appeared last week but thought that Tino Asprilla dressed as a tyrannosaurus rex teaching a horse how to kick a football deserves to be seen.

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from Chris Thompson
"I was relieved to see Liverpool finally address one of their shortcomings with their latest commercial deal. Frankly, if your club doesn't have an official coconut water partner they aren't worth your support."

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There won’t be a more dramatic last-minute punt in Hemel Hempstead this season.

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Or a better free-kick move anywhere in the world.

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Also in the news this week
Spectacular miss by Edin Dzeko
Trabzonspor player sent off for red-carding the ref
Accrington Stanley – Read Madrid and Reality Madrid
Notts County put up for sale

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