THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

24 November 2009 ~ On the WSC messageboard Hartley Sebag-ffiennes gave vent about Thierry Henry's handball against Ireland.

L'affaire Henry has dragged on noisily and tediously for some days now, like a Yorkshireman dragging a wooden cart across the cobbles loaded with Hovis, clogs and dripping. Rank and foul has been the air with the dissonant verbal defecation of the halitosis-ridden uncouth, complaining that in the course of passing to team-mate William Gallas there might have been some trifling brush between his palm and the ball. An injustice has been done, they bleat. As one, they cry "andball", so much so that in some areas of the country, roadsweepers have been pressed into double shifts in order to sweep up the countless dropped aitches. What these poltroons fail to understand, however, is that this debate is about a great deal more than an unimportant manipulation of a sphere. This whole affair is transcendent. It is about culture, honour, architecture. It is not so much about the contact of a man and animal hide but truly, what separates man and the beasts of the field, or certain of the baser nations for that matter. Read more

Comments (1)
Comment by ian.64 2009-11-25 13:20:41

Bloody David Stubbs and his bloody imagination, bloody knocking out quality pieces while the rest of us bloody knock around with our fingers wavering over a hot bloody keyboard while we wait for our sodding brains to kick in, and chances are they'll only bloody come up with crap jokes and lame one-liners, so that's a bloody non-starter.

I mean, who does bloody David Stubbs think he is? Bloody writer for the qualities who just breezes in, airily as you like, and starts knocking out elegantly-funny pieces with one hand while probably writing bloody novels with the other, not to mention stuff for magazines like Uncut, Shed Weekly and Undertakers' World ("Are Buy-One-Get-One-Free Coffins A Shrewd Idea?"). And he can spell too! 'Dissonant'. 'DISSONANT'!. Bloody show-off. Give the bloody sod a bloody dictionary and he thinks he's Kingsley Bloody Amis. I asked my dad what dissonance was and he said it ran at the 3.30 at Uttoxeter. Cheers, Dad. Top form. Make me look a bloody fool, why don't you. Last time I go to Ladbrokes to put money on a dictionary entry.

That's it. Sod it. Bloody David Stubbs. I'll get my dad on him.

Related articles

Striking posters of players by Serbian designer
11 October ~ Marija Markovic, a graphic designer from Belgrade, Serbia, has created a collection of striking football posters of some of the most...
Book review: Thierry Henry
Lonely at the top: 
A biography "I don't recognise myself in the players I see today," George Best said in his very last interview, conducted, as...
Thierry Henry
Lonely at the top: 
A biographyby Philippe AuclairMacmillan, £17.99Reviewed by David StubbsFrom WSC 310 December 2012 Buy this book   "I...