A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday

27 November 2015 ~ 

FIFA's ethics committee has sprung into action. A charity has received the 48 luxury watches – worth £16,000 each – initially gifted to FIFA executives by the Brazilian FA last year. The next step will apparently be to invite auction bids for a 79-year-old Swiss citizen with extensive experience in global sports management. No reserve price has been set.


Gandzasar150Badge of the week ~ Gandzasar, Armenia
The nominated key-holder for Gandzasar FC was originally a grizzly bear. A small club, run on a modest budget, Gandzasar operated with the help of several volunteers. However, for insurance purposes, it was not possible for the keys to the club to be held by a volunteer or part-time worker and so they were left with a grizzly bear who lived in a nearby cave.

Although the keys were safe enough with the bear, the situation was not ideal as, whenever the club secretary wanted to get into the building of a morning, he would have to journey up into the hills with a guide and a bear expert and then wait patiently for the bear to be distracted with historically accurate pictures of the Theban women while the guide nipped in and grabbed the keys. The secretary would have to wake up as early as 4 am as sometimes the bear was not distracted by the Theban pictures and they would have to wait until the delicatessen in town opened to deceive it with German fried herring, for which it was an absolute fool.

Finally, the club employed a full-time caretaker and the bear was relieved of his duties. Angered by his summary dismissal, the bear came down to vent his fury on staff but was deeply unsettled by the sight of a man wearing marigold gloves in the kitchen and left the area entirely soon afterwards. The bear is remembered in the club crest though for its reliability in the absence of good herring. Cameron Carter


Dover suddenly turn into Barcelona.


Of all the online petitions that have been set up, this may be the most vital yet.


from Keith Upton
Brechin keeper goes to wrong ground. Some Villa fans may wish Brad Guzan had done this recently.”

Meanwhile Aston Villa are looking for a new head of marketing and brand. Part of the remit is to "drive sales across ticketing, hospitality, retail and partnerships through a clear creative strategy”. Maybe the club could just start winning a few matches instead?


from Ian Holmes
Gary Lineker is airing some quite robust views these days. I assume he won’t be lined up for a one-to-one interview with Sepp at any point.”


Also in the news this week
Roberto Mancini should have put his boots on
In defence of "over-sized merchants of fun"
Jose Mourinho takes an opportunity to bait Graeme Le Saux
St Pauli win back rights to pirate logo




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