THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
27 March 2015 ~

Geoff Hurst thinks that Harry Kane should be a "permanent fixture" in the England squad. That's all very well now but what happens when Kane is in his 50s? Geoff hasn't thought this through.

 


Trafalgar150Badge of the week ~ Trafalgar FC, Dominica
“Building Minds, Body and Spirit” states the motto on Trafalgar FC’s badge. Well I went to a Mind, Body & Spirit Festival in Earls Court in 1996 and lost a full 30 minutes talking to a middle-aged man who believed in fairies. A woman two stalls over was trying to sell a book called Learn To Love Yourself More – How The Angels Can Help.

There are, as far as I can tell, only three things more annoying than this book title: Katie Hopkins (including the need to refer to this professional idiot by the matey diminutive of her name), having to watch while someone else uses a computer slowly and a person who earns £20,000 a year more than you saying “haitch”. 

Trafalgar FC unnerve visiting teams by piping Sound-Healing sonic exercises into the away dressing-room and installing a Negative Energy Cleansing Area where the showers had been. It gets worse for the away team when they get onto the pitch and the home fans start on the Tibetan Overtone Chanting. The unaccustomed sense of wellbeing experienced at an away ground by Trafalgar’s opponents tends to throw them completely and make them significantly less competitive on the day. Cameron Carter

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Zlatan Ibrahimovic has launched his own "vitamin beverage". "Being number one is all about constantly upgrading yourself. To always strive to be a little bit better and believing in yourself. Like I do," he said. We'll probably stick to water.

ZlatanDrink300

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Irn Bru is now the Football League's official soft drinks partner. The League's commercial director says: “Having seen the strength and personality of Irn Bru’s activation history, we felt a partnership would deliver the perfect fit, and activation platform, to drive the visibility and engagement of both brands.” Can he be sacked for this?

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from Ross Adams
“Here’s a fearsome assistant referee in Brazil. (Some of the comments underneath are as horrible as you might expect.)”

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Dion Dublin branches out. Will he get a chance to entertain homeowners on his patented percussion instrument, the Dube? Probably. 

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Also in the news this week
Some brave fashion choices from Barcelona players
MIss of the year from Bundesliga 2
Steven Gerrard heat map
Meanwhile, Martin Skrtel is thinking of clowns

 

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