THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
16 January 2015 ~

David Ginola is reportedly being paid £250,000 by bookmakers Paddy Power to run against Sepp Blatter for the FIFA presidency. With ethics like those he's likely to attract plenty of support.

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FAIG150Badge of the week ~ FA Illkirch-Graffenstaden, France
The first French person to report being abducted by aliens was an underwear model called Benoit Massigneut, in 1948. According to the story that Massigneut related to the farm worker who found him, he had been driving down a lonely stretch of road, already dressed for his modelling job, when he heard a strange noise (described by Massigneut as halfway between a child’s scream and a beep) a few seconds before a blinding flash of light forced him off the road.

He regained consciousness to find himself on a pallet in a bright room with several alien faces – similar to that on the club’s crest – surrounding him, making alien noises. The only French word he remembers spoken was “overdressed”. Apparently frustrated by the lack of new information gained from their victim, the aliens tried torturing him by forcing him to brush his teeth and drink iced water in quick succession.

Fearing for his life, Massigneut gave them a demonstration of how an underwear model shaves his legs in a crisis situation and this indeed seemed to mollify his captors to the extent that he was found unscathed in a cabbage patch shortly afterwards. The club use the images from this event on their badge to demonstrate their commitment to beauty, particularly in its footballing form, and not wearing trousers. Cameron Carter

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From Jim Parton

“This season I've noticed an increase in very niche job titles among matchday staff at live games. While watching Arsenal play at home on Sky Sports earlier in the season a friend of mine spotted an ‘assistant tunnel manager’, posting an image on Twitter of the young man eagerly performing his ‘duties’ at half time. Then, last weekend during a visit to Ewood Park, I spotted this gentleman prowling around the away turnstiles. I wonder what riveting footage he caught on that camcorder he's holding.”

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Now that Jermain Defoe is heading back to the UK, it’s a good time to recall his enthusiasm for custard.

Defoe400

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"Generate up to 10.5% returns" in the Bill Shankly hotel – it's just what he would've wanted.

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from Huw Richards

“Has Sir Alex has found his niche?”

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Also in the news this week
Michael Owen flogs whisky in his inimitable way
Chelsea fans want to sign Star Wars characters
David Luiz is included in FIFA Team of 2014. Recognition for his role in the most entertaining game
Meanwhile, Roy Hodgson prefers grafters to fancy dans

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