THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
9 May 2014 ~

This week FA chairman Greg Dyke and his commission proposed introducing Premier League B teams to the Football League as part of the plan to improve the fortunes of the national team. It all feels a little bit familiar.

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Vesta150Badge of the week ~ SV Vesta, Curacao
The badge of SV Vesta celebrates El Fuerte, a mythical Caribbean creature: half dove, half bodybuilder. Seeing El Fuerte, it is said, foretells the refusal of gym membership of a close relative. According to the varied mythology on the subject, one never knows which El Fuerte is going to turn up. Sometimes it is the dove of peace, righting wrongs with a quiet, reasonable word to both parties, a bit like a less pugnacious version of television's Super Nanny.

Other times, however, tales are told of the dove's aggressive, confrontational behaviour, like the time it responded to a widow's plea for alms by invading her personal space and repeatedly telling her to calm down until she collapsed with fear. The descriptions in such narratives suggest that El Fuerte was, at times, a little too energetic in its approach or possibly "on the 'roids". It is nice that birds get interested in bodybuilding, but no one really wants help from a very strong, pushy dove with anger management issues. Better to contact Citizens' Advice on a Tuesday or Thursday afternoon, between 2 and 3.30pm. Cameron Carter

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from James Hug

"I wanted to see if the guy I walked past in the high street a week back was Luke Gutteridge. I am still uncertain having looked at his Wikipedia page."

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This is just cheeky. Free kick of the season from the J League.

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from Mark Tomlinson

"Heartwarming news for Arsenal fans worldwide – you may have only finished fourth this season but your team is still the most popular among millionaires."

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A Colombian teacher steals Panini stickers from his pupils.

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Also in the news this week
Sir Alex nods off.
John Kerry: secret football fan.
French second division club appoint female coach.
Robert Huth is not moved by Luis Suarez's tears after Liverpool draw with Palace.

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