THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
2 May 2014 ~

Chelsea's Champions League defeat to Atlético Madrid highlighted the unfairness of the loan system. Thibaut Courtois, who made a crucual save for Atlético, isn't even their player. If only his parent club had given him a chance.

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Liepaia150Badge of the week ~ FK 1625 Liepaja, Latvia
The Ta-Da! Lion of Latvia is a mythical figure renowned for its misplaced sense of showmanship. The lion is said to have terrorised inhabitants in the Liepaja region by descending on villages at night to demand that the youngest and weakest of the population engage in role play. The first atrocity attributed to the Ta-Da! Lion was to fall upon a shepherd and his wife and insist that they sit back to back to simulate an exchange between a dissatisfied customer and his tailor. This was soon followed by an incident wherein the lion surprised three sailors as they returned to their ship, demanding that they pass an imaginary kitten between them. As the attacks multiplied a pattern emerged; namely, those of the lion's victims who did not apply themselves to his exercises were killed and eaten.

Finally the Knight of Supervision, a Latvian hero, rode out to the lion's den and, following a one-to-one session, was able to persuade the lion that he might improve his perception among villagers if he altered his behaviours. An Action Plan was agreed upon in which the lion 1) advertised his services rather than forced them upon people and 2) stopped eating them. The lion stuck to this plan and grew in popularity with the people. Within a year he was performing a successful one-lion show about a lion who recognises his personality type just as he is about to attack a sleeping farmhand, identifying his proposed action as inappropriate to a working relationship. His appearance on Liepaja's crest suggests both the club's commitment to entertain and an enhanced self-awareness among its staff. Cameron Carter

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from Mark Holmes

"Some memorabilia makes a nice addition to a living room. This, I'm not so sure."

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So, Manchester City have launched their own digital sticker collection. The creator of the concept says: "We redefine collector's passions while keeping the nostalgic edge alive." Good luck with that.

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from Steve Friar

"In the Welsh Premier League on April 18, Bangor City were beaten 9-1 at home by TNS. After this ten-goal thriller, Bangor's manager, Neville Powell, was interviewed by the Welsh TV channel S4C for their Sgorio programme where he said: 'They haven't scored a good goal today – we've gifted them the nine goals.' A little ungracious, you might think."

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from Justin Hughes

"I know times are hard in print media but I thought the Scotsman could have afforded a few more pixels in their Sandy Brown obituary."

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Also in the news this week
David Moyes, un-person.

Dani Alves eats a banana.

And now everyone's doing it.

"Obviously there was the affair with his brothers' wife." Richard Keys shares some thoughts on Ryan Giggs.

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