THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

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3 May 2013 ~

Manchester United say they have identified around 80 new areas of revenue from sponsorship deals. These will include Red Devils-branded binbags and cat litter, plus a space probe to Uranus.

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daggers150Badge of the week ~ Dagenham & Redbridge
Dagenham & Redbridge have always prided themselves on being a club ahead of their time. They pioneered the Divorcee Enclosure, for example, exclusively populated by fortnightly fathers and their offspring. The Prediction Knight (or Sayer Of Things To Be That Are Not Yet, as he was known in his own age when they had a lot more time on their hands) features on the club crest as he was a highly significant figure in medieval Dagenham. This knight had no stomach for fighting, or even the joust. He actually didn't like loud noises or sudden movement. He was frightened of owls. His renown was gained for prophecy.

It was the Prediction Knight who told the Sheriff of Redbridge how one day the largest explosion ever would be made from the smallest thing in the universe (see bottom panel of shield). The Sheriff of Redbridge was looking for something a bit more short-term than this and was refunded. In 1268 the knight foretold that one day a vast shadow would fall upon his land. This came to pass only six months later, in fact, when the knight who lived next door to him, the Property Development Knight, built an extension on to his castle that blocked all the natural sunlight into the Prediction Knight's rear garden. The Planning Permission And Overhanging Branches Knight had to intervene.

In fact, the Prediction Knight brilliantly only predicted things to happen thousands of years in the future, so he was never brought to account for being wrong. He is remembered by Dagenham & Redbridge in their crest for being both progressive and highly astute. Cameron Carter

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Less than five years ago, Phil Brown's Hull City won away at Arsenal and Spurs in successive weeks. Last Saturday he asked Jeremy Kyle to give his pre-match team-talk at Southend. That's quite a decline.

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from Chris Eveleigh

"Carlos Valderrama's Wikipedia page includes a brilliant analysis of his playing style."

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The Ebay seller may have to discontinue this item.

pardew150

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from Simon Tyers

"Referring to Brian McDermott on the Football League Show last Saturday, Manish Bhasin claimed with no hint of knowingness that 'El-Hadji Diouf had him tearing his hair out'. Are you going to tell Manish or shall I?"

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Rapid Vienna fans react to the club's disappointing season – they are 23 points behind league leaders Austria Vienna – by bricking up the entrance to the club's offices.

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Some dynamic line-reading from the England players here. You wonder what Steven Gerrard's other attempts at saying "Charles William Alcock" must have been like for this one to be chosen.

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"We had a good meeting, it was nice and positive. There was no doubt that I wanted to stay at the club." So said Harry Redknapp after the relegation of… Southampton in 2005. He left to rejoin Portsmouth a few months later.

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