22 October ~ News that Wayne Rooney has signed a new contract ruined our plans for the weekend. We had invited all the interested parties to get together and thrash it out. That was the Rooney family and in-laws, Paul Stretford and his team, Sir Alex, David Gill, Garry Cook, Sheikh Mansour, the Gallagher brothers, Eamonn Holmes, all those young men stood outside Rooney's house, Ian Holloway, Roy Hodgson, Ricky Tomlinson and all the distressed people in that Liverpool video, Gazza (if available), Andy Carroll, George Osbourne, Sepp Blatter and Ban Ki-moon. We'd hired a big meeting room and spent a fortune on the catering – all those vol-au-vents are destined for the landfill. Taken from this week's WSC Weekly Howl

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