A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
16 May 2014 ~

With three-month profits up by £7.4 million compared to January-March last year, and record revenues of £115.5m for the same period, it's been another excellent season for Manchester United. Those Glazers really know what they're doing.

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Kaluga150aBadge of the week ~ FK Kaluga, Russia
The Tripodfootballmen are a malevolent race that appears occasionally on Russian television's flagship science-fiction family drama, Consultant Psychiatrist What. The Tripodfootballmen regularly attempt to invade and colonise earth because their own planet is dying, owing to the fact that a Donovan LP found its way there along with some other space debris and 90 per cent of the population dropped out over a six month period.

The Tripodfootballmen's main method of attack is to trample all over people without demonstrating remorse. In one episode, Resurrection Of The Tripodfootballmen, Consultant Psychiatrist What destroys the marauding horde of Tripodfootballmen by singing them to death with a song that is so simple it causes their brains to shut down.

While the Tripodfootball men as a race are generally poorly behaved, FK Kaluga have adopted them as a motif because they recognise the pathos behind their need to invade other planets and FK Kaluga are a very sensitive team who run onto the pitch on Saturday to Chopin's Etude in E Sharp Minor. Cameron Carter

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from Mike Ticher

"A surprising fact about the new Sydney FC coach Graham Arnold according to Wikipedia."

Arnold is also the renowned co-author of the Cambridge Mathematics Extension 2 Textbook; a provision widely used to supplement and accommodate student learning in the HSC Extension Two mathematics course across New South Wales.

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from Tom Lines

"Local newspapers used to spend the close season getting excited about summer transfer targets. Now they publish speculative galleries of random US tech billionaires."

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Meanwhile, one of the pundits commentating on the Villa sale was Lee Hendrie, who's looking distinctly elfin these days.

Hendrie200

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Norway is of course the country with the most "nul points" in Eurovision history, so it's nice to see at least one famous Norwegian still taking an interest in the event.

Fjortoft400

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The German national team held a training session at St Pauli's Millerntor Stadium on Monday. The advertisements were covered over, as well as part of a huge banner saying "No Football For Fascists". So the team warmed up under the motto "No Football".

Pauli300

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Also in the news this week
Matt Taylor takes a tumble.
Chelsea mistake Cardiff fans for their own supporters.
Preston's Joe Garnerwhy isn't he in the World Cup squad, Roy?

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