THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

AS Thomas finds out more about the Swans' unpopular chairman

Distinguishing features Large, camp waddler with a horrendous comb-over. Always seen at The Vetch in a green bulging Barbour coat irrespective of the climate.

Habitat Head honcho of third-rate windscreen replacement company Silver Shield plc – an organization with some real sauce, which apparently expects Swansea fans to believe that this two-bit outfit worth about £2.3 million could finance garish pro-jections such as “Premier football in five years” in a purpose-built £75 million sports and leisure complex on the edge of the city.


What use is he? About as much use as Barbara Cartland in a 50/50 with Neil Ruddock. Since his involvement, Swans fans have had to witness the dismissal of God’s emissary Jan Molby, the resignation after 13 days of Micky Adams (after he looked into the money pot and reeled away at the flatulent air billowing from inside) and the appointment of Alan Cork as a desperate measure (like a retreating army awarding medals to the nearest goat-herder) which precipitated the biggest freefall since Robert Maxwell ignored warnings about climbing the crow’s nest.


Who remembers his birthday? Can’t see many pencilling in the date of his emergence, except perhaps his pet poodles, Peter and Steve. Certainly not Molby, Adams or Cork. Supporters have already gatecrashed the directors’ lounge, tipping over the salver of Ferrero Rocher and impregnated tangerine segments.

Quote unquote
1. “Money is not the restraining issue.”

2. “Give me an example when I have ever promised any money.” 3. “Vetch Legend! Is that the one who was in the bar all the time?” (on Molby)

4. “The repeated cry of ‘you have cheated us, we deserve better’ reminds me of the whingeing occupants of the front stalls of the Royal Opera House Covent Garden who believe that the state should subsidise their night out.”

5. “Without the property development there is no future for the team.”


Other offences to be taken into consideration
The charges levelled against him concern blatant dissembling and manipulation of the media to hide his real reasons for taking over the club: namely, the opportunity to expand into the leisure and services industry. From day one he has used every excuse imaginable to hide the fact that his administration is more impoverished than Graham Kelly’s IQ. Most terribly, he has treated the supporters with the contempt of someone wiping his feet on a park dosser. Swans fans go from week to week in various states of emotion ranging from despair, fear, hatred, occasional joy and agony from a molten pasty. For these crimes the perpetrator should be dragged by hounds beyond the city limits, m’lud.

From WSC 141 November 1998. What was happening this month

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