A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
17 July 2015 ~

In response to a proposed transfer from Tottenham in 2008, Younès Kaboul's agent said his player would not join Sunderland "even if there was an earthquake". Yesterday he joined Sunderland on a four-year deal. Quick, get under a sturdy table.

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Knatts150Badge of the week ~ Knattspyrnufelagio Aegir, Iceland
Icelandic mythology is rich in this type of character, lazy people in authority who can’t be bothered to walk over and get someone, summoning them instead with a conch. The most well-known of these to Icelanders is Sigurrd The Slightly Disabled. Many are the stories that refer to this figure, yet none are quite clear on what exactly was wrong with him. One tale relates of a sea king of this name who never walked or swam anywhere. There is a very brief mention of a “shadow on the hip”, but this is never explained or enlarged upon.

Another tale has a Sigurrd The Indisposed, who excuses himself for not getting up to visitors on the grounds of “These damn stones of mine”. Another Sigurrd has a “bad back” but is seen by a rival king showing a sea nymph his backwards cliff dive. The arguments resulting from this escalate into a full-blown sea war, as you can imagine. Most tales do recount that Sigurrd was eventually deposed because people got fed up hearing the conch, knowing that they had to travel miles over ground and under water probably only to have a look at an interesting shell he’d found. Sigurrd is still feted in Iceland though for his sheer nerve. Cameron Carter

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from Simon Hughes

“The Wiki entry for former Liverpool coach Colin Pascoe doesn’t pull any punches.”

Pascoe400

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from Mike Warren

“Randy Lerner makes what we assume is his debut appearance in Fortean Times.

LernerJupiter350

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Diego Maradona scores for Corinthian-Casuals. Surprisingly this has yet to go viral.

CorinthianMaradona400

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The goal of the season may have been scored already, by Marcel Ndjeng for Paderborn against Bolton.

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Seen any discarded footballs on your travels? Send them in to @LostFootballs on Twitter.

Lost400

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Also in the news this week
Swindon to communicate by app only

Inflatable shark owner found guilty of assault

Lampard and Gerrard – MLS all-stars without playing

Thai Liverpool fan copies Shankly statue

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