A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday
4 May 2012 ~
When is this year's FA Cup final, does anyone know? Tomorrow? Oh right. Well, good luck everyone.
Badge of the week ~ Club Sport Maritimo, Portugal
In the very early days of Portuguese light entertainment television, there was broadcast a programme called Spin The Lion With Hugo Calvino, every Sunday at 6.30pm. It was an incredibly popular game show consisting of four carelessly linked sections. In the first part of the programme, Calvino would welcome the live and television audiences with the song Here We Are Again (God Has Spared Us).
He would then pretend to talk to the lion about how the animal’s Saturday had been, making jokes at the lion’s expense and using his catchphrase: "I beg your pardon! You do know my mother's in tonight!" There would follow a talent show segment and a quiz, followed by the gameshow finale where a couple could win 100 Escudo if the lion, following a big spin in the lion tumbler from Hugo, managed to stagger to a freshly killed zebra carcass within 20 noise-filled seconds.
As a postscript, five years after the show ended and the lion had been returned to the wild, Hugo and some of the original crew went out to Mozambique to see if the lion was still there and if, by any chance, he would remember them. They made contact on the third day and, astonishingly, after some initial hesitancy, the lion did indeed remember Hugo, running up and sharply headbutting him before escaping into the bush with a roar of alpha-feline triumph. CS Maritimo remember the lion in their crest as a symbol of mass entertainment and a good memory for faces. Cameron Carter
Sometimes it's best to just hoof the ball away as soon as possible.
from Carl Hawkins
"The Times' Rory Smith should henceforth be known as Rory Wordsmith. Yea, verily."
Ipswich have made a short film to advertise their new kit. It won't be winning a Bafta.
ESPN jump the gun slightly but, hey, they're excited.
from Simon Brown
"Shaun Harvey, somehow still chief executive of the circus that used to be Leeds United, has had his past career highlighted on Wikipedia. I’d have gone further than 'Anti-Christ' personally, but I know how he responds to criticism and I don’t want to get struck by lightning."
Plenty of customer recommendations for this Manchester United jigsaw. It doesn't look like much of a challenge, though.
Getting shirty Notable kits of yesteryear
Walsall home, 1989-90
If Walsall fail to win at MK Dons tomorrow they will become the first team in the history of the third tier to avoid relegation having won fewer than ten games. The last time they won nine times at this level, in the 1989-90 season, they finished bottom and were relegated for the second successive year.
The late 1980s was a period of huge turmoil for Walsall. Having survived the ownership of both Ken Wheldon, who attempted to move the club to St Andrew’s, and infamous City trader and racehorse owner Terry Ramsden, who had long hair, a swimming pool complete with holographic sharks and, predictably, a subsequent prison sentence for fraud, this would be Walsall’s last season at the much loved but utterly ramshackle Fellows Park ahead of their move to the futuristic Bescot Stadium.
Aside from an inexplicable three-year experiment with claret and blue that nobody talks about, Walsall have usually fluctuated between red and white shirts. After the previous season in white yielded just six wins in all competitions, perhaps it was felt that a return to red would galvanise the team. It didn’t.
Spare a thought for Autoglass, who were halfway through their first foray into the glamorous world of shirt sponsorship and were rewarded with two bottom-of-the-table finishes in a row. Still, it wasn’t all bad. It has long been rumoured that the windscreen repair company more than recouped their investment by permanently stationing employees in the club’s car park to deal with the aftermath of shots from Andy Saville. Tom Lines