THE HALF DECENT FOOTBALL MAGAZINE

I've just seen a traumatic advert

  • Kowalski
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05 Feb 2013 20:01 #759410 by Kowalski

I've just seen the advert for the lottery where a northern bloke with that slappable laddish expression suggests that we "'ave a celebration!!!" because local shops sell scratch cards.

  • Felicity, I guess so
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05 Feb 2013 20:10 - 05 Feb 2013 20:10 #759412 by Felicity, I guess so

No Gero, just a bowl with pot pourri in. And a bog roll.

Speaking of which: a pound of Dundee cake is rather an expensive thing to be flushing down the bog. I bought a Dundee Cake and a Black bun in perth before xmas to take to Ms Felicity's Fifer-in-exile father, and got very little change from a £20 note

Last Edit: 05 Feb 2013 20:10 by Felicity, I guess so.
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06 Feb 2013 13:26 #759611 by Giggler

Kowalski wrote:

I've just seen the advert for the lottery where a northern bloke with that slappable laddish expression suggests that we "'ave a celebration!!!" because local shops sell scratch cards.

A horrible mutation of Peter Kay, Vernon Kay and Paddy McGuinness with a Blackburn accent.

Though at first glance, the "celebration" could feasibly pass as a Pet Shop Boys gig.

  • Gerontophile
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06 Feb 2013 19:55 #759759 by Gerontophile

treibeis wrote:

- my Dad befriended a German golfer and they sat up all night drinking duty free whisky. Berndt (for it was he) then staggered into the bathroom, lifted the lid on the laundry basket and let loose a long yellow stream.

What, a German bloke standing up to widdle indoors? No wonder he got it wrong; he'd never done it before.

The Germans had a talking ghost or something, which would react when you didn't put the seat up? Or did I imagine that?

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06 Feb 2013 22:03 #759886 by Southport Zeb
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06 Feb 2013 22:06 - 06 Feb 2013 22:13 #759887 by Slightly Brown

Currently in Australia. Only caught a brief amount of tv, but since that tv was the Super Bowl, I'm already up to speed advert-wise. The first thing to say is boobs are big over here - in every respect. There's not a product that they won't use boobs to sell. I'm talking hi-end school-boy phwwwwwoar. The rest of the adverts consist of showing stuff that kills insects. It's fuqing carnage. Woman with big boobs slaughtering spiders. It's like the love child of russ Meyer and Roger corman.

Last Edit: 06 Feb 2013 22:13 by Slightly Brown.
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08 Feb 2013 20:25 #760519 by Southport Zeb

We Buy Any Car once appeared to be in a competition with Go Compare to see who could shoe-horn their annoying song into the most annoying advert. Whilst Go Compare has gone done a weird meta route in their recent campaigns, WBAC's latest effort is more restrained, being a simple description of what their service is and how it works, then ending with a quiet play of their signature riff on car horns. A nice advert, sadly spoiled by James bloody Corden doing the voiceover.

  • ian.64
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10 Feb 2013 11:01 #760811 by ian.64

I've probably mentioned it before on this thread, but no greater irritant currently makes me want to pulverise bricks into dust with my bare hands with seething anger than the sound of 'DOM DIDDY, DOM DIDDY' that kicks off the Liverpool Victoria ads.

Dom diddy die, you bastard.

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10 Feb 2013 11:06 - 12 Feb 2013 11:58 #760813 by blameless

Oh, I don't know, the off-tune whistling in the Homebase ads is pretty awful too. It doesn't help that both jingles have been on TV for about 5 years even though both wore out their welcome after about 5 days.

I notice that Halfords have binned their most recent adverts (the ones that portrayed their own customers as morons) and have gone back to the ones they showed previously (which are still rubbish, but don't actually insult the people Halfords want business from).

Last Edit: 12 Feb 2013 11:58 by blameless.
  • Gerontophile
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12 Feb 2013 10:59 #761449 by Gerontophile

TESCO. Trying to use music to sell shit...

Then they use 'Mr Loverman'.

Sorry about this, but

CUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

  • Patrick Thistle
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12 Feb 2013 12:49 #761491 by Patrick Thistle

Andrex. "We are a nation divided! Do you scrunch or fold?"

What the hell? Why would anyone want to discuss that?

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12 Feb 2013 13:07 #761509 by Giggler

On the old Everton Rivals board (consistently one of the funniest football messageboards I used to visit), the 'sit or stand' debate raged for years.

  • nmrfox
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12 Feb 2013 13:27 #761519 by nmrfox

Big, bloody, bastardy British Gas using the lovely "The Universal" to tell you what a caring, loyal, mistake-free, wonderful company they are.

Why not be truthful and use "Money" by the Flying Lizards instead.

  • Toby Gymshorts
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12 Feb 2013 13:31 #761522 by Toby Gymshorts

Jongudmund wrote:

Andrex. "We are a nation divided! Do you scrunch or fold?"

What the hell? Why would anyone want to discuss that?

Only an idiot would scrunch anyway.

  • Patrick Thistle
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12 Feb 2013 16:08 #761648 by Patrick Thistle

Toby Gymshorts wrote:

Jongudmund wrote:
Andrex. "We are a nation divided! Do you scrunch or fold?"

What the hell? Why would anyone want to discuss that?

Only an idiot would scrunch anyway.

Agreed.

  • Patrick Thistle
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12 Feb 2013 16:09 #761650 by Patrick Thistle

nmrfox wrote:

Big, bloody, bastardy British Gas using the lovely "The Universal" to tell you what a caring, loyal, mistake-free, wonderful company they are.

Why not be truthful and use "Money" by the Flying Lizards instead.

They're using the A-team theme now. Because they send a crew of highly trained professionals to tell you that your boiler isn't covered under the expensive warranty they sold you and so you have to shell out extra.

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13 Feb 2013 04:28 #762029 by Slightly Brown

Jongudmund wrote:

Andrex. "We are a nation divided! Do you scrunch or fold?"

What the hell? Why would anyone want to discuss that?

I bought Andrex thinking "you know, you work hard, you deserve the odd foray into luxury, you go top-line - you star." And I used the stuff after a modest offering and it was like wiping my ass with a ghost. Half a roll and I'm still in there. Then came the Gentle knocks at the door from ms brown, inquiring about well-being and possible slippage. Unimpressed.

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13 Feb 2013 08:43 #762048 by Geoffrey de Ste. Croix

Jongudmund wrote:


They're using the A-team theme now. Because they send a crew of highly trained professionals to tell you that your boiler isn't covered under the expensive warranty they sold you and so you have to shell out extra.

Christ.

I've not seen the advert but I'll hazard a guess that to a background soundtrack of martial music and gunshot, a commanding voiceover goes:


"In 1986, a crack public utility was sent into privatisation by an illegitimate regime, a crime to which the public did not commit. This utility promptly escaped from most mandatory regulations regarding decent pricing and service to the stock exchange. Today, still allowed to do what the hell they want by the government they survive as soldiers of profit. If you have a gas problem, they know no one else can help, and if you can afford the astronomical prices....maybe you can hire The BG-Team. Da-Da-Da-Duh-Duh-Duh......"

  • Patrick Thistle
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13 Feb 2013 13:03 #762150 by Patrick Thistle

Geoffrey de Ste. Croix wrote:


"In 1986, a crack public utility was sent into privatisation by an illegitimate regime, a crime to which the public did not commit. This utility promptly escaped from most mandatory regulations regarding decent pricing and service to the stock exchange. Today, still allowed to do what the hell they want by the government they survive as soldiers of profit. If you have a gas problem, they know no one else can help, and if you can afford the astronomical prices....maybe you can hire The BG-Team. Da-Da-Da-Duh-Duh-Duh......"

Quite, quite brilliant.

No, the ad doesn't quite run like that.

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13 Feb 2013 13:10 #762156 by Crusoe

Those bloody "people's postcode lottery" adverts. Is this a genuine charity lottery effort, or (as it appears) a less socially minded knock-off?

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