An entertainingly splenetic thread on Spearmint Rhino's Facebook page yesterday about Lisa Loeb's teeth-grindingly terrible Stay got me to thinking about love songs in which you completely and instinctively lack empathy with the singer's plight.

Stay is the exhibit A on this, I think. Every whinging, self-pitying, I'm-gonna-leave-creepy-messages-on-your-phone-for-months line of this abomination makes the listener think of the ex in question, "well done mate, you're best rid."

There must be loads of others. The woman being stalked by Gordon Sting in Every Breath You Take* surely deserves every ounce of our sympathy.

* It's a shame I actually think it's a pretty good tune.

'Fake' by Alexander O'Neal. Horrible sentiment, I quite liked the tune too though. At the time, anyway.

This is a very good idea for a thread by the way.

The bloke being ridiculed in TLC's No Scrubs - while probably a bit of a hapless clown - probably doesn't deserve to be so scorned for such vicious materialistic reasons.

Again, a shame, as it's such a storming tune.

The bloke who Destiny's Child expect to pay all the fucking bills is definitely in the right though.

E10 Rifle wrote:

Except that he apparently wrote it based on a communication from his first wife, when they were divorcing...

.. but I do really sympathise with the hoodwinked wife in Bryan Adams' "Run to You" .. "she's got a heart of gold, she'd never let me down". Unless she found out what a
useless lying prick you were.

... and George Michael's mum on Bad Boys.

"Don't try to keep me in tonight!"

'One Minute Man' by Missy Elliot. Very, very harsh on the chap, who simply appears to have difficulty maintaining an erection for any longer than um, a minute.

'I Can See For Miles' by The Who. If you can see the Taj Mahal and the Eiffel Tower at the same time you obviously live on the fucking moon. No wonder she's dumped you. You're probably a clone or something anyway. You silly fucker. You haven't thought this through at all have you.

'Satellite' by the Sex Pistols. Although, to be fair, he's horrible with such camp relish in this, I think your sympathy is supposed to be with the person on the end of the put-down.

E10 Rifle wrote:


This.

I think "Every Breath You Take" is great, regardless, and I think one's sympathy is supposed to be with both sides.


Cyndi Lauper's "Money Changes Everything." Credit her with being honest, but that sucks to be dumped for a guy with more money.

They seemed to flit quite effortlessly between wanting to be independent women (part 1) and wanting everything bought for them (in Bills, Bills, Bills and that ghastly version of the 12 days of Christmas they did).

I'm sure Jay-Z can afford it either way, mind.

"We Can Work It Out," which despite the apparently compromising spirit of its title, is in fact a demand that you see things "my way" or you'll probably get dumped.

Destiny's Child's Eight Days of Christmas is a good shout as the worst and most vile pop song of all time. Although with that, you don't take the other dude's side either. He sounds like a prick too.

You have to feel for the object of Meatloaf's affection in "Two out of three ain't bad". Imagine being wanted and needed by that sweaty behemoth.

My Boyfriend's Back wins this thread hands down. I mean both the guys referenced in this song are in for a world of pain if they stick with this babe. In fact, down the line, I can see them commiserating with each other over a beer and congratulating themselves on a lucky escape.

I think George Harrison is hard to beat on this stuff. Especially "Think For Yourself". Jesus. "And though your mind's OK, try thinking more, if just for your own sake." Patronising twat. You're well out of that, whoever you are.

I don't see "My Boyfriend's Back." Isn't the guy being sung to really a stalker?

Why because he "hung around" and "said things that weren't very nice" because she wouldn't go out with him? Now she expects her bf to "save her reputation." At worst the guy's a gossip, and deserves a good verbalising, but from her not from the poor sap who's out of town and is going to walk into shitstorm that has nothing to do with him.

The girlfriend in Rupert Holmes' Escape, aka 'the pina colada song', deserves some sympathy as the cell door is slammed firmly shut again by the end of the lyric.

I'm not sure that Alexander O'Neal's Fake counts as a love song. For a supposed love man, it is noticeable that his biggest commercial successes cast him firmly as a hectoring bully - see also Criticise.

The girl who Gene Pitney dumps in Twenty Four Hours From Tulsa sounds like she's well out of it. The guy's clearly got no self-control.

ralf hooter wrote:


One for the "Message board posts where you take the other dude's side" thread.

Unless I'm reading you all wrong, you've all misunderstood "Bill, Bills, Bills". Typical men.