Moonlight shadow wrote:


Once, when climbing in Snowdonia, I needed to go, but was able to wait till I had climbed. Up top I found a nice little spot with fantastic views and so sat and contemplated the world, as you do. I was gone so long they sent out a search party because the rest of the group thought I’d gone over the edge.

Whilst winter training in Jotunheimen Norway, my two pieces of paper blew away in the windy, snowy conditions. I used snow and burnt my bum. School boy error.

Pub toilets hold no fear for me.

I was once caught short in rural France after a meal out. Miracle of miracles I found a public lav in a car park.

After my movement I discovered that there was no paper and so I used the till and ATM receipts in my wallet. My military training was useful then.

As a result of backpacking around Europe and UK - and getting caught paperless in more public washrooms than I care to remember - I now carry toilet paper in my pants pocket for emergencies. When the kids get a runny nose, they know where to turn.

WOM wrote:


Ah, see, we're not on about washrooms, we're on about bogs.

<frowns and consults English/English dictionary>

Now here's a question. When you go to southern Med type of places - Spain, Italy, Greece, etc - you generally find the 'hole in a floor' type of arrangement, with no paper supplied. What do locals generally do? Carry their own? Not wipe?

Please advise.

Hey, welcome to the club. I am middle aged. Anything I can do sitting down, I will

I have to admit that one of the best $500 I've spent is on a Korean electric toilet seat that employs a spray of water on one's naughty bits — front and back (temperature adjustable,) — followed by a gentle drying breeze (ditto.)

Hold on, I am talking about the environmental efficiency and effectiveness of using less toilet paper and you are talking about heated water-spraying toilets?

Indeed, I am at a loss with the phrase "one of the best $500 I've spent"

Indeed I am. Heat is optional BTW, cold water in the nether regions can be very invigorating.

How much time does that add to your toilet-going experience, AdC? I have a big butt--it would probably take a while to dry using only air jets.

I've never actually put a watch on it, but it seems as though it takes less time. Mainly, I think, because doucheing is infinitely more thorough than wiping.

I wonder if management would object if I had one installed at the office. Paid for with my company Amex, of course.

I'm a standing wiper. In fact I'd never imagined that there was another way until the first time it came up on this board. I still don't really understand what the alternative is. You squeeze your hand between your cheeks and the seat? You sort of half get up and hover in some kind of contorted pose? Genuinely, I don't know.

treibeis wrote:


They just call them baguettes over there.

WOM wrote:


A friend of a friend who jumped on the bandwagon of Bury's Second Division championship clincher in May 1997 was caught short and dashed off. Not even daring to imagine performing such a function in the Manchester Road End's prehistoric toilets, he later revealed that there was no paper so he used his match programme.

I've always carried a packet of tissues in my back pocket from the following day.

What ad hoc said re: standing. Maybe my arms are too short, or my back isn't flexible enough.

Anyone who has pockets or carries a handbag can manage to squeeze in a packet of Kleenex to have on hand for toilet paper emergencies. If I'm going to be somewhere that is likely to have less than ideal toilet facilities, I always bring the following four items from home:
-a small zip-lock bag containing a couple of santizing surface wipes (for the seat of the toilet)
-another small bag containing wet wipes (aka wet toilet paper, or whatever term hobbes used to describe them)
-packet of tissue
-small bottle of Purell

I have been mocked and ridiculed by companions (very often people who are related to me) for doing this, however, those same people are mightily grateful when they find themselves faced with a toilet seat soaked with urine and no paper. Mightily grateful.

I would have made a fine boy scout.

Amor de Cosmos wrote:


I'm coveting your toilet seat.

Three pages in and not a mention of scented flushable enviro-friendly biodegradable lubricated hypoallergenic baby wipes, with aloe. One of the chief revelations of parenthood. Dry paper is barbaric. No more hesitation before asking people if they'd like to smell my ass.

You can't beat dock leaves when you're al fresco.

(Gargantuan props to WE, by the way. One of my favourites, that.)

Bored of Education wrote:


Not bidets or sinks but plan C - the hose attached to the cold water pipe, which we've had installed in both our toilets. Admittedly there are moments that I wish it had been plumbed into the hot water too, but nevertheless, it's effective.

I think I'll just run a length of garden hose from my bathroom sink over to the toilet. That would work.