Yes, very sorry indeed to hear that, Heliotrope. I spoke to my Dad on Skype today. It was good to see him in fine fettle, recovering from a touch of sciatica but as I approach my 50th birthday, I did find myself fazed by the idea that someday in the future I might not have a Daddy. But he was clearly a great Dad to you, with excellent results - he did his job. I'm hoping I'll do mine.

A lot of what I write on here nowadays is very self-centred and morose, I know. But the smaller things trigger it all off....

It's the first since mine left the planet. so I called my Mum, who promptly broke down when I told her it was Father's Day.

But it was one of those days that we made the effort to talk. we made a habit of just picking up the phone anyway but, no matter if we'd spoken the day before, I'd make a point of calling and talking to him on Father's Day.

Never got him a card, just ensured I wished him Happy Father's Day, had the stereotypical father-son chat about Bolton, football and insulting each other without offence, and that was that.

Even with my own treats from my own children today, a void was there. So my Mum was the next best thing. She said it was the first time I sounded upset talking to her over the phone since his death. Whether it's the newly developed grief, or whether it's the realisation that this is the first thing withoiut him we did, the two of us, I don't know. But it got me.

I suppose the first year does this - first Christmas without him, his next birthday will be the first without him, the fixtures are out tomorrow for the first season Bolton won't have hiim supporting.....

So the card manufacturers may have invented it. I took my interpretation of it, embraced it, and missed it like mad.

My condolences Heliotrope. I'm so sorry to hear that.
And I'm glad you did as best you could, Kettle.

I had a wonderful day. My father in law was kind enough to trek down here so we could host my dad comfortably. As you might have read, he was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months back. Just two weeks ago he finished his 33 days of radiation, which followed 12 days of chemotherapy. It knocked the piss out of him. He lost 80% of his hair, and the rest has gone pure white. And by the end of it, he couldn't drive, which is death to him. Two weeks later, he's up and around and his energy is returning. Today he looked good. Tuesday he learns what comes next.

To say I was reflective today would be an understatement. As I have every day since early March, I've savoured every moment with him. We talk on the phone every second night, where before it was every two weeks...maybe. I don't want to dwell too long on the idea that today might have been my last father's day with him, but I think I enjoyed today like I knew it could be.

Anyway, we ate, we talked, we had wine and beer - which, thankfully, he can taste again - and then everyone left. And there's plenty of ribs left over if anyone's round this way.

Just wanted to express my sympathy to Helio and Kettle. And I don't think it's self-centred and morose, at all.

My Dad died nearly a decade ago, and I still find myself having a "conversation" with him - usually me apologising for screwing up. He loved me and I never doubted it, which is all that I could have asked for.

Good to hear WOM's better news, too.

Deepest sympathies Helio, and warm thoughts to Kettle and WOM.

Yes many sympathies Helio.

On the way home from that out, I remembered that I had noticed on facebook last week that it was father's day (it's not in Romania, or at least it's not bothered about here, and in fact there is no such day as far as I can ascertain), and commented "I must remember to call my dad when we get home, as it's father's day". Which prompted one of my two kids in the back to pipe up with a quick "Oh, happy father's day". It was at that point that I thought that it might have been nice to have had a day and get I dunno, a home made card or something.

Warmest sympathies, Helio.

I'm a proper wanker when it comes to Father's Day, which is all to do with my own father and shouldn't get chucked in other people's faces.

TonTon wrote:


Don't agree - you've personal experiences that tarnish certain occasions that people feel differently about. It's what makes the rich tapestry of life, etc.......

I feel completely cynical about Valentine's day, to the point of making a point of not acknowledging it in any way. And that's the epitome of greeting cards makreting strategy.

So "a proper wanker" is strong. "Not conforming to type" would be closer.

Worn Old Motorbike wrote:


Apparently the tumor is responding exactly the way they'd hoped it would. It's shrunk by about 60% so far and is expected to continue doing so under the ongoing effects of the chemo and radiation. There's still no evidence that it's spread anywhere else. He now has three weeks off and then goes back for one 'big' chemo hit a week for four weeks.

So, very good news and he sounded positively elated on the phone last night.

Terrific news, glad to hear it.

And what tee rex said.

That's great news, WOM. The mother of a close friend of ours has had similar news lately, and the difference it makes to their outlook is really uplifting to see.

Commiserations Heliotrope, FF, Kettle and anyone else feeling there's a empty space in their lives - I'm "lucky" that it's been 31 years since I lost my Dad, so the pain of loss has faded away now. Not so lucky in that I never had him around during my adulthood though, I guess.