She's having a party in a couple of weeks, and were all invited. I'm sure Calvert said he'd organised a street party with Union Jacks and bunting and stuff, but I can't be certain.
Anyway I was watching the News, and despite it being a fortnight before the date, she's started the piss-up early. To kick things off she had the armed forces march on Windsor and put it under martial law. Once set up in the town they had what can only be described as the most aggressive "hip hip hooray" ever heard. I damn nearly shit myself when I heard it.
Gary Barlow has been busy. He's organised the music for the bash and tried to keep with the Jubilee theme by getting every performer he could think of beginning with the letter J. Jools Holland, Jessie J, JLS, Elton John, Tom Jones. trouble is after those five he'd blown his stack and couldn't think of any more, so he just filled it up with Kylie, Cliff and Alfie Boe. Shame he'd never heard of Johnny and the Self Abusers.
Party games are also a must, and Gary has played a part in this too. Liz has got him and Lloyd-Webber to write a tune featuring the bloody Military Wives. She then gets everyone to stand in front of a bucket while she plays it, and the last one to throw up is the winner. I lasted just over a minute.
It's going to be a long fucking two weeks.

Heh, Kowalski's design rocks.



Our Union Flag waving day is usually around the middle of July, but I'm up for it.
It's definitely not as big a deal as the Silver Jubilee. Maybe not so many people are content with their serf status these days.

Watched a bit of that Colonel Blimp military tattoo on BBC1 this morning Sean was alluding to.
Insanity and inanity combined.

Anyway, god bless you, Ma'am.

My shop has been sent a heap of heraldic and pageantry related cards to tap into the monarchical fervour of Wester Hailes. I believe not one has been sold yet.

Wisely, I'm going to be out of the country over the jubilee weekend and will be off to Oslo.

Not sure what Betty's kids have got planned for the event, but it's a fair bet that it will be nothing remotely risqué. Don't know if anyone saw Graham Norton interviewing Will Smith the other night, but he had a remarkable tale about Prince Charles. It seems Charlie was chosen to represent at the Royal première of Ali, starring the afore mentioned Mr Smith, and they sat together throughout the showing. Anyway, it appears that a flunkie sat behind them was obliged to tap HRH on the shoulder at the point in the film where there was a sex scene featuring Smith, at which point Charlie looked down from the screen until the same flunkie tapped him on the shoulder once again so he could look up once more.
That is some serious sexual repression right there. It's a fucking miracle him and Di managed to produce a legitimate heir in horse-faced Bill at all. It's no wonder the Princess of Hearts went off and produced an illegitimate one with Harry's dad if the height of passion and ecstasy between them was looking up at the disgusted face of old jug ears (Charles, not Will Smith) as he begged for forgiveness whilst pumping away in a darkened room.
It makes you wonder what it was about that particular scene that so offended our future King. Was it the sight of a naked male body? Was anything to do with Mr Smith's ethnicity? Might it even be down to the fact that Will Smith is a well known member of the acting community? Well I reckon it was all three. I can only presume that the sight of the Hollywood star's bare flesh brought back a particularly traumatic experience as a young chap at Buck House when he walked in on a naked Peter Sellars, fully blacked up as his hilarious Asian doctor character, screaming "GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME!" at the top of his best comedy Indian voice as he squirted his dirt over the splayed buttocks of a crouching Auntie Madge. Well that's my poorly informed deduction anyway.

Fuck 'em all, scrounging cunts.

I'm looking for a poster of Charles I, post-execution, with "We'll be back for the rest of you", or similar. Anyone seen one?

Good article about the dick head chaz in todays Observer
By the quality of your posts Sean i would say you are feeling a bit better today.
Off wiv there fackin eads!

Sean of the Szczed wrote:


The fact he's the only person in the country who would be rewarded for committing matricide would wreck anyone's head.

Diable Rouge wrote:


I'm sure someone would arrange a whip round for Carol Thatcher if she decided to go down that route.

Leaving town for the Jubilee weekend.

Our school is doing a garden party in the school grounds. I've been told I have to dress up as a king. I'm torn between the following:

- Elvis
- Rodney King
- Don
- Jonathan

Or I may see if I can get hold of a Richard the Third costume to shit the kids up.

Alternatively:

- Kong
- Ledley
- Of The Wild Frontier

The latter stages of The Passion Of The Christ could be the inspiration for quite an arresting look too.

It HAS to be Charles I, surely?

I thought this was going to be about Mad Men.

Come on, please, Charles I. With head under arm. It's crying out for it.

Did you see that story about the scummy royalist tearoom throwing people out for not standing up for her song?

It's really a shame that minor's school isn't doing fancy dress, or I'd be onto that idea in a flash.

Would be a great way to go out, especially given that godawful Wills and Kate cutout that the head has insisted must stay in the entrance.

Some people really do deserve their chains.

Well fuck my old bowler;its been confirmed on local television old horseface Anne was in suffolk today.
it just so happened i was working in a house overlooking the building she and various other toffy nosed cunts were visiting.Security was tight and the filth were thick on the ground but from an upstairs bedroom window I had my book depository moment,except in horseshit infested Newmarket im the only cunt without a fucking rifle.Never mind,eh,readers?

Kettle wrote:


Paul
Ben E.

You're welcome to go as me, should you wish. Official accreditation is available, if required.

I'm going to recommend *not* going as Jonathan King, all things considered.

Especially at a school.

As it happens, mrs b and myself are headed off to Scotland on the bank holiday weekend - we're setting off from her place in Somerset just a couple of hours before they close the street for a jubilee party.

Still, I'm confident that Glasgow will be showing her majesty exactly the correct level of love and deference too.