1. At certain times of the year, the sound of a baritone is an aphrodisiac to most garden birds.
I recently attained a baritone guitar, and am having minimal success in attracting any attention, animal or human. Can you help?
2. Pressing a secret five-digit code on the drinks dispenser at work gets you a Horlicks.
The vending machine in my old office would pay out all kinds of crazy bonuses to those willful enough to persevere. Plenty of double drops. Amd I developed a heavy Twix habit when I realised nearly 50% of the time when one punched the numbers for a Twix, the spindle two over to the right would burst into life as well. Generally, this meant a free Nestle's Nuts bar, a saddening prize but a bargain at the price of zero point fuck all.
4. The tastiest seafood in the world actually lives in the very deepest parts of the ocean. Much of it is yet to be discovered.
I doubt this. Have you seen the two and eight on some of the shit they've found living down there? No way.
10. Your driving test instructor has the right to fail you for reasons of personal hygiene.
This has to be reciprocal. I used the services of a depressingly high number of driving instructors who all conformed to the ugly stereotype of being malodorous wretches hell bent on spewing bile, and indulging in lecheries of dubious legality.
Emotional Man available for weddings, bar mitzvahs
posted 24-03-2012 01:13
Mention of the Nestlé Nut Bar brings to mind the fact that the inventor of the Rowntree Nutty Bar is a Huddersfield Town fan. I asked him why we no longer see them in the shops. Were delivery drivers all going into anaphylactic shock?