1. At certain times of the year, the sound of a baritone is an aphrodisiac to most garden birds.

2. Pressing a secret five-digit code on the drinks dispenser at work gets you a Horlicks.

3. Two American presidents have secretly had sexual relations with each other.

4. The tastiest seafood in the world actually lives in the very deepest parts of the ocean. Much of it is yet to be discovered.

5. A boy in China began counting aloud from one in 2008. Three and a bit years later - and with allowances for sleep and meals - he's still going.

6. No one has ever moved house from Darlaston in the West Midlands to anywhere in France.

7. Three direct descendants of Beethoven have played at least once for SC Fortuna Köln.

8. I'm much more interesting after a couple of boilermakers.

9. Wearing panty hose continuously for at least three days boosts the body's immune system.

10. Your driving test instructor has the right to fail you for reasons of personal hygiene.

I will not speak to all of your points, but...

The Exploding Vole wrote:


I recently attained a baritone guitar, and am having minimal success in attracting any attention, animal or human. Can you help?



The vending machine in my old office would pay out all kinds of crazy bonuses to those willful enough to persevere. Plenty of double drops. Amd I developed a heavy Twix habit when I realised nearly 50% of the time when one punched the numbers for a Twix, the spindle two over to the right would burst into life as well. Generally, this meant a free Nestle's Nuts bar, a saddening prize but a bargain at the price of zero point fuck all.



I doubt this. Have you seen the two and eight on some of the shit they've found living down there? No way.



This has to be reciprocal. I used the services of a depressingly high number of driving instructors who all conformed to the ugly stereotype of being malodorous wretches hell bent on spewing bile, and indulging in lecheries of dubious legality.

Mention of the Nestlé Nut Bar brings to mind the fact that the inventor of the Rowntree Nutty Bar is a Huddersfield Town fan. I asked him why we no longer see them in the shops. Were delivery drivers all going into anaphylactic shock?

"Shit shelf-life".

dogbeak wrote:

Hellooo.