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Mascots observing minutes silences
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TOPIC: Mascots observing minutes silences

posted 12-11-2013 01:07
Magnificent. Holy mother of fuck, this thread is one for the ages.

There'll be a near-identical piece on the Guardian's website by Wednesday, written by Paul Doyle.
Last Edit: 12-11-2013 01:07:41 by Borracho.
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posted 12-11-2013 01:09
I think another website has hijacked this thread and is passing it off as it's own but it has a couple of good ones ;

That bag of equipment is troubling me no end.

He just looks like he is being scolded,
posted 12-11-2013 01:16
That chicken above almost, ALMOST but not quite beats the duck on page one with the team in green and yellow stripes.

It's bizarre that so many clubs seem to have not considered how ridiculous it is to have your mascots in shot for such a solemn occasion.
posted 12-11-2013 01:18
Actually that Scunthorpe Bunny from the previous page looks like some fucked up Donnie Darko inspired hallucination.
posted 12-11-2013 01:37
Ddalliance, I am very surprised that you, of all people on here, thought that the ADO Den Haag stork was a duck.
posted 12-11-2013 01:45
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posted 12-11-2013 01:47
That Hammer - he looks like he knows he was responsible for some atrocities. No doubt the nightmares keep him awake at night and now the only job he can hold down is one where he appears once a week, behind a mask and doesn't have to talk to anyone.
posted 12-11-2013 04:05
Oh Jesus, confession time: I designed that hammer.

They asked me to do it, I needed the money, I took the money. Not much, about 50 quid I think. The brief: to design a hammer in a West Ham kit. I did them a drawing of said hammer in an action pose, heading a football. In my sketch he was looking up at the ball. The people who made the costume clearly took my design too literally, and fixed the hammer’s pupils to be permanently looking up, as if surprised and delighted to see a heron land on his garage roof.

Despite this disaster, I was offered other mascot design jobs, which I shamefully took. They were mostly for charities or rugby league teams, but the occasional football project came up. Fulham wanted a knight. Wigan wanted a gorilla. Neither ended up being made, thankfully. The final straw came when Bristol City wanted a female cat. As a Swindon fan, I knew this was my opportunity to lumber one of our rivals with a mascot even more ridiculous than a foam hammer that can only look up. However, I got carried away and the drawing I submitted was deemed so offensive that I wasn’t asked to design any more mascots (on reflection, adding the detail of a bottle of scrumpy and a puddle of piss was probably a bit much).

Apologies for derailing the best thread on OTF in years. Please carry on and thank you for listening.
Last Edit: 12-11-2013 04:15:06 by Big Daves Gussett.
posted 12-11-2013 04:35
I will never be able to see that hammer now, without thinking of you inside the costume.
posted 12-11-2013 04:45
To get things back on track.

It's not just football that has lost its mind. Not one of mine, thankfully:

The Wombles of Wimbledon, solemn are we:

Last Edit: 12-11-2013 04:52:53 by Big Daves Gussett.
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posted 12-11-2013 05:41
BDG, your confession is bad enough, but what truly shocks is your claim that a) these things are designed, and b) designs are rejected.

Never mind 50 quid, "Mascots That Never Made It" is a best-seller in waiting.
Last Edit: 12-11-2013 05:43:52 by tee rex.
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posted 12-11-2013 07:57
I'm glad that deadspin have picked up on this thread but they've not really got the hang of this yet have they? I mean the only ones that are really good in the ones they use are the ones that come from this thread. It's not about mascots looking at planes, or attending speeches, it's the juxtaposition of stupid costume and solemnity that is funny.
posted 12-11-2013 08:22

The Dunfermline pic is particularly poignant of course, as Sammy the Tammy has seen action
Last Edit: 12-11-2013 08:32:26 by gavc23.
posted 12-11-2013 08:26
Best thread ever. I will confess to having shared bits of it (the pictures) elsewhere.
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posted 12-11-2013 08:41

This one from Ursus looks like he might have been on the other side in the war.
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posted 12-11-2013 08:55
Bizarre Löw Triangle wrote:
Lofthouse the Lion takes a moment of quiet contemplation

Lofty, please.
posted 12-11-2013 09:10
Jimmy Bignutz wrote:
steveeeeeeeee wrote:
Leishman the Liquidator.

He looks like he's having a piss.

So did Emma when he/she stood very close to the Bayern Munich team bus.

According to this report, a Borussia Dortmund spokesperson claimed that "Emma is a very smart, seven-year-old bee who is fully aware that, for sartorial reasons, it is impossible for a bee to relieve themselves standing up and would therefore only have a Number One sitting down."
Last Edit: 12-11-2013 09:10:55 by treibeis.
posted 12-11-2013 09:12
This is magnificent stuff. Respect to Bignutz for kicking it off. I have to admit the WHU Hammer looking, er, sheepish wins it for me so far.
posted 12-11-2013 09:22
Dave, that's amazing that you designed the Hammer mascot. What an honour, but you must have wondered where your career could go after that.

What I particularly like about that one is that he's looking up and down at the same time, exactly like Princess Diana in that interview.

posted 12-11-2013 09:23
I've been looking for a picture of Erzgebirge Aue's mascot Schachtscheisser (He who shits down a mineshaft) living up to his name, but I can't find any.
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