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Mascots observing minutes silences

12 Nov 2013 01:07 - 12 Nov 2013 01:07 #852842 by Borracho
Magnificent. Holy mother of fuck, this thread is one for the ages.

There'll be a near-identical piece on the Guardian's website by Wednesday, written by Paul Doyle.
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 01:07 by Borracho.
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12 Nov 2013 01:09 #852845 by Ray de Galles
I think another website has hijacked this thread and is passing it off as it's own but it has a couple of good ones ;

That bag of equipment is troubling me no end.

He just looks like he is being scolded,
12 Nov 2013 01:16 #852846 by dalliance
That chicken above almost, ALMOST but not quite beats the duck on page one with the team in green and yellow stripes.

It's bizarre that so many clubs seem to have not considered how ridiculous it is to have your mascots in shot for such a solemn occasion.
12 Nov 2013 01:18 #852847 by dalliance
Actually that Scunthorpe Bunny from the previous page looks like some fucked up Donnie Darko inspired hallucination.
12 Nov 2013 01:37 #852851 by ursus arctos
Ddalliance, I am very surprised that you, of all people on here, thought that the ADO Den Haag stork was a duck.
12 Nov 2013 01:45 #852853 by jefe
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12 Nov 2013 01:47 #852854 by evilC
That Hammer - he looks like he knows he was responsible for some atrocities. No doubt the nightmares keep him awake at night and now the only job he can hold down is one where he appears once a week, behind a mask and doesn't have to talk to anyone.
12 Nov 2013 04:05 - 12 Nov 2013 04:15 #852860 by Big Daves Gussett
Oh Jesus, confession time: I designed that hammer.

They asked me to do it, I needed the money, I took the money. Not much, about 50 quid I think. The brief: to design a hammer in a West Ham kit. I did them a drawing of said hammer in an action pose, heading a football. In my sketch he was looking up at the ball. The people who made the costume clearly took my design too literally, and fixed the hammer’s pupils to be permanently looking up, as if surprised and delighted to see a heron land on his garage roof.

Despite this disaster, I was offered other mascot design jobs, which I shamefully took. They were mostly for charities or rugby league teams, but the occasional football project came up. Fulham wanted a knight. Wigan wanted a gorilla. Neither ended up being made, thankfully. The final straw came when Bristol City wanted a female cat. As a Swindon fan, I knew this was my opportunity to lumber one of our rivals with a mascot even more ridiculous than a foam hammer that can only look up. However, I got carried away and the drawing I submitted was deemed so offensive that I wasn’t asked to design any more mascots (on reflection, adding the detail of a bottle of scrumpy and a puddle of piss was probably a bit much).

Apologies for derailing the best thread on OTF in years. Please carry on and thank you for listening.
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 04:15 by Big Daves Gussett.
12 Nov 2013 04:35 #852861 by Pietro Paolo Virdis
I will never be able to see that hammer now, without thinking of you inside the costume.
12 Nov 2013 04:45 - 12 Nov 2013 04:52 #852863 by Big Daves Gussett
To get things back on track.

It's not just football that has lost its mind. Not one of mine, thankfully:

The Wombles of Wimbledon, solemn are we:

Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 04:52 by Big Daves Gussett.
12 Nov 2013 05:41 - 12 Nov 2013 05:43 #852865 by tee rex
BDG, your confession is bad enough, but what truly shocks is your claim that a) these things are designed, and b) designs are rejected.

Never mind 50 quid, "Mascots That Never Made It" is a best-seller in waiting.
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 05:43 by tee rex.
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12 Nov 2013 07:57 #852871 by ad hoc
I'm glad that deadspin have picked up on this thread but they've not really got the hang of this yet have they? I mean the only ones that are really good in the ones they use are the ones that come from this thread. It's not about mascots looking at planes, or attending speeches, it's the juxtaposition of stupid costume and solemnity that is funny.
12 Nov 2013 08:22 - 12 Nov 2013 08:32 #852874 by gavc23

The Dunfermline pic is particularly poignant of course, as Sammy the Tammy has seen action
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 08:32 by gavc23.
12 Nov 2013 08:26 #852875 by dogbeak
Best thread ever. I will confess to having shared bits of it (the pictures) elsewhere.
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12 Nov 2013 08:41 #852879 by hobbes

This one from Ursus looks like he might have been on the other side in the war.
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12 Nov 2013 08:55 #852880 by Stumpy Pepys

Bizarre Löw Triangle wrote: Lofthouse the Lion takes a moment of quiet contemplation

Lofty, please.
12 Nov 2013 09:10 - 12 Nov 2013 09:10 #852881 by treibeis

Jimmy Bignutz wrote:

steveeeeeeeee wrote: Leishman the Liquidator.

He looks like he's having a piss.

So did Emma when he/she stood very close to the Bayern Munich team bus.

According to this report, a Borussia Dortmund spokesperson claimed that "Emma is a very smart, seven-year-old bee who is fully aware that, for sartorial reasons, it is impossible for a bee to relieve themselves standing up and would therefore only have a Number One sitting down."
Last Edit: 12 Nov 2013 09:10 by treibeis.
12 Nov 2013 09:12 #852882 by slackster
This is magnificent stuff. Respect to Bignutz for kicking it off. I have to admit the WHU Hammer looking, er, sheepish wins it for me so far.
12 Nov 2013 09:22 #852883 by Jimmy Bignutz
Dave, that's amazing that you designed the Hammer mascot. What an honour, but you must have wondered where your career could go after that.

What I particularly like about that one is that he's looking up and down at the same time, exactly like Princess Diana in that interview.

12 Nov 2013 09:23 #852886 by treibeis
I've been looking for a picture of Erzgebirge Aue's mascot Schachtscheisser (He who shits down a mineshaft) living up to his name, but I can't find any.
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