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28 March 2008 ~
Older readers will remember Romark, a TV magician and psychic. Called in to help Division Four Southport end a losing streak in 1977-78, he was filmed at work in the dressing room, getting the players to close their eyes and focus on positive things. But there must have been bad vibrations in the bracing coastal air because his powers had little effect – Southport were voted out of the Football League having finished second-bottom for the second consecutive season. We thought of Romark when hearing this week from Dean “Midas” Maynard. Dean has been asked to help save Northern League Ashington from relegation and has worked with several other football teams including Leeds, Norwich and Torquay. Pulse Talk Radio describe him as “a very grounded guy”. Drop by and see him – he’s been expecting you...
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 Badge of the week
This is the second and last badge adopted, in the 1980s, by a club with one of the bleakest, and best, names in European football – KFC Winterslag. Their first badge was a circle containing their name with a football in the middle, but they made more of an effort with its replacement. The crown represents the K in their name which stands for Koninklijke (Royal). Below that we see a sexually ambiguous figure attempting a nonchalant toepunt. Such cockiness was briefly appropriate. The team from the Belgian mining town of Genk knocked Arsenal out of the UEFA Cup on away goals in 1981-82 before losing 5-0 on aggregate to Dundee Utd. This was to be their only venture into European competition, however. After financial problems, they merged in 1988 with their more successful neighbours Waterschei Thor as Racing Genk, under which name they have gone on to win two Belgian league titles.
from Gavin Barber
“It was good to see the Avenir Beggen Wichtelcher badge in the last edition of the Howl. I visited Avenir Beggen's ground to see Ipswich play a UEFA Cup tie in 2002. Beggen's average UEFA cup scoreline may be 0-4, but that night Ipswich were lucky to come away with a 1-0 win, courtesy of a last-minute Marcus Stewart goal. The return leg at Portman Road was a bit more comfortable, with Ipswich running out 8-1 winners. Beggen's supporters' club did them proud, satiating the travelling Ipswich fans' hunger for souvenirs by producing an English-language match programme and a stall selling Beggen kits – not replica kits, but shirts worn by the team in previous UEFA Cup ties.”
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Which person in football would you least like to see taking part in a sex video? That’s right, Paul Jewell. So you will have shared our horror at the story in the last Sunday’s News of the World which went into considerable detail about alleged infidelities that took place, on film, while Jewell was manager of Wigan. The paper has since removed the story from its website under threat of legal action. So we have to assume that it was all a terrible misunderstanding. Phew.
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A couple of weeks ago Man City’s owner Thaksin Shinawatra returned to the UK after attending court hearings in Thailand, promising to “tighten the bolt” at the club. It wasn’t immediately clear what he had in mind but it’s possible that he shared the general shock at the sight of Stephen Ireland’s new car (look closely and you'll see what appears to be a pair of pink plush testicles hanging by the rear view mirror – though they might be castanets). Ireland has since had his car resprayed at the request of a “club official”. Even if that was all Thaksin flew back for, it was worth it.
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Tales From The Landesliga ~ No 3
WSC contributor Matt Nation's series about watching lower-league football in Hamburg
With the possible exception of a Reeperbahn knocking-shop, there are fewer places in Hamburg less likely to have a decent football team than Blankenese. It's so well-heeled that even Penelope Keith would have trouble getting a job as a scullery maid on the grounds that she's too common. Tennis and hockey rule the roost, with football ranked between tax evasion and verre églomisé painting in the list of sporting pastimes. This is reflected by the First XI, a mixed bag of blancmange-thighed rugby rejects and bookish types on their half-term holidays from Harvard.
Today's opponents, Bramfelder SV II von 1945, come from less picturesque surroundings, a concrete sprawl that was fly-tipped on to north Hamburg by a Bauhaus architect who simply couldn't be bothered any more. Administratively, they really are from the wrong side of town: following an unexpected promotion, the Bramfeld stiffs play in the same league as their first team, albeit in the western/southern division. So like any reserve team, they're forced to field what is basically a youth team, Saturday paper rounds permitting. As soon as the game kicks off, however, the social divide shrinks, if not visibly, then audibly. Both teams are fluent in Landeligese, a language dominated by two names: “Diggä” and “Leo”.
Introduced by the government to encourage young people to consume at least five nouns a day, Diggä means nothing at all. Nonetheless, it gets an airing and a half during the game: “Man on, Diggä”; “Dig-GÄ! Beaut!” It makes you wonder why both teams bother putting the players' real names on the back of their training tops. Diggä's older brother, Leo is a catch-all for “My ball”, “Leave it” or other nameless weapons of gamesmanship and the main reason why St Pauli’s 1990s Brazilian legend Leonardo Manzi never really seemed to know what was happening during games.
Bramfeld's Leo covers every blade of grass in the first quarter, culminating in a memorable “Diggä, Leo, DIGGÄ!” one-two with his own keeper. This industriousness is rewarded with a glorious half-volley from the equally gloriously named Lesley Wasserzieher after half an hour. However, when the visitors emerge for the second half, Leo is nowhere to be heard. Diggä battles on valiantly, but Bramfeld are soon a spent force. Blankenese, guided by a schoolmasterly manager so obsessed with retaining possession that his touchline mantra –“Keep the ball” – drowns out anything that his Diggäs and Leos have to say for themselves, find their passing boots and snatch an equaliser. When they score again, the coach berates the scorer for giving the ball away by shooting and continues to berate his team after the final whistle for being “frivolous”, “profligate” and “slapdash”. With words like that, he clearly hasn't so much lost the dressing-room as never found it to start with.” ---
Newcastle’s first win under Kevin Keegan ought to be commemorated. So here are a couple of introductions to match reports on the 2-0 win over Fulham. Firstly, the People’s Steve Bates used the Life of Brian gag he’d obviously saved up: “Easter is a time for resurrection and right on cue Kevin Keegan’s second coming at Newcastle finally hit lift-off last night. They hailed him as the Messiah on his return. But Keegan turned into a very nought-y boy as the Geordies failed to record a solitary win in his eight previous League games in charge.” Meanwhile, Rob Beasley of the News of the World began with an image that may be seared into your brain forever: “Mike Ashley burst into the Chairman’s Suite at St James’ Park and yelled: ‘Let’s get naked and have a party!’” ---
WSC Trivia ~ No 8
When WSC first began to take advertising in 1990, Roy of the Rovers was still being published as a weekly comic. One of our staff phoned the publishers to ask if they would be interested in taking out an ad. It was a crackly line so he had to shout: “Hello! Is that Roy of the Rovers?” A weary voice at the other end, used to dealing with keen young fans, said slowly: “No, Roy’s not here at the moment but if you’d like to leave a message for him, we’ll pass it on.” We didn’t get the ad. ---
 Stickipedia
A mine of information constructed from sticker cards
Colin Blant & Fred Smith, Burnley The Wonderful World Of Soccer Stars 1969-70
Two surreal pictures from a Liverpool v Burnley game in 1969. The album’s publishers FKS were the UK subsidiary of a Spanish company who produced similar collections in several European countries. FKS’s picture research was done from Spain with designers sometimes recolouring players who weren’t in their first-choice kits. Occasionally they only had black-and-white photos to work from. As well as getting a thump in the back that has left him winded, Colin Blant appears to be playing in a game involving four teams. The white-shirted player in the distance is wearing the Burnley away kit while one of the Liverpool players is in all-blue. Like Blant, Fred Smith has been repainted in his team’s home strip while two team-mates are covered in a loud blue splodge alongside Liverpool’s Roger Hunt, more neatly coloured in. And whose legs are those in the bottom left? Is it Colin Blant again?
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