A small portion of despair and enlightenment delivered to your inbox every Friday 7 March 2008 ~
There’s never dull moment at Sheffield Utd. Having expelled Bryan Robson, go-ahead chairman Kevin McCabe now wants to bring in Graham Taylor as “head of football”. “I see him as a younger Sir Bobby Robson,” McCabe says of the 61-year-old Taylor. There are connections between the two – both had mixed records as England manager and guided teams to runners-up spot in the old Division One in the early 1980s. But can a 61-year-old be reasonably described as a “younger” anything? You do wonder whether Mr McCabe just likes being around famous faces. Which might explain why his club’s plc are now in talks with Elevation Partners, a California-based private equity company owned by Bono – whom Mr McCabe probably sees as “a younger Pope”.
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Badge of the week When Small Heath became Birmingham City in 1905, the club adopted the coat of arms of their home city. This they kept till the early 1970s, when it was rejected in favour of intertwined initials and then the supporter-designed globe and football worn to this day (maybe it's an over-optimistic representation of the club's place in world football, or perhaps a precursor to Game 39, on which co-owner David Gold seems so keen). So for the majority of their existence, the Blues have sported a badge symbolising local achievements. The man's hammer and anvil represent the heavy industry on which Birmingham was founded; less obviously, the cupel in his right hand refers to the tradition of jewellery making, for which the city was equally famous. The woman's book and palette represent art and learning. It is noticeable that both of these characters are relatively modern in heraldic terms – unsurprising as Birmingham was little more than a village before the industrial revolution. Given the trend for redesigning crests (local rivals Villa launched a new one at the start of the current season) we should hope that City's current owners don't unveil a badge that comprises the tools of their non-football trade. --- Condensed match report Welling United 1 Hampton & Richmond Borough 3 ~ Blue Square South, March 1, 2008 from Ed Upright “Sitting in Welling's Wings Bar after the game, the atmosphere suddenly frosted over as the away team menacingly sauntered in. Twenty minutes earlier they had left the field mockingly triumphant, replying with taunts of their own to a barrage of abuse from the 523-strong crowd. Thankfully they only stayed for a pint. Fourth from bottom hosting third from top was bound to be tense, especially when Welling took a deserved first-half lead before complete collapse in the last 15 minutes. This greatly pleased the most prominent away fan – a toothless middle-aged woman with a H&RB scarf draped over a hoarding – hollering 'Come on 'Ampton' in long, monotone fashion, over and over again. Her subdued male companion, dressed in identical club hat and anorak, shuffled in embarrassment having looked secretly and perversely pleased when his team was losing. But as the third goal went in, with his loud lady friend screaming 'Eff Off' at the Welling fans, he looked on the verge of tears. Post-match, Welling manager Andy Ford claimed: 'I think we have about four or five players that are struggling at this level.' Which probably said more than he intended it to.”
Apologies to Steve Askew, who did last week's Condensed match report, for calling him Steve Agnew.
--- from Mike Innes “The J-League generally takes a pretty expansive view towards merchandising and, as such, club mascots are often used as the basis for a range of products targeted at the young and not so young. Take Kawasaki Frontale's Fronta-kun, for example. He’s a blue-and-white dolphin – hardly a natural inhabitant of a grubby industrial city like Kawasaki – that one might almost suspect to have been expressly designed to be sold in cuddly toy form. All very well for the kids, of course. But what right-thinking Kawasaki-supporting parent wouldn't appreciate seeing his cheery features perched atop something as cute-but-practical as this tissue box cover?”
Mike’s guide to Japanese football can be downloaded here --- Match reporters often have a nice metaphor prepared in advance but then have to adapt it, with varying degrees of success, when there is a surprise result. Matthew Dunn of the Daily Express seems to have expected Bolton to lose their UEFA Cup second round tie in Madrid on February 21. When they qualified with a 0-0 draw, he had some hasty repair work to do. He begins: “Madrid houses impressive collections of the works of both Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali. Perhaps that’s why last night’s result was so cock-eyed and surreal.” Perhaps, yes. He goes on: “If Bolton were painters, you would ask them to do your bathroom rather than your portrait. But boy do they have the sort of passion any artist would give his left ear for.” Right. Confrontations between Bolton fans and the over-zealous Spanish police after the final whistle give Matthew an opportunity for a final flourish: “It painted an ugly and unnecessary picture and just underlined that sadly for Madrid, sophistication and culture had been locked away in the museums for the night.” Yep, he’s nailed it. --- from Chris Chambers “During last Sunday’s Everton v Portsmouth game, the MOTD2 commentator said: 'That's three points for Everton, two for Yakubu.' This got me thinking that maybe Richard Scudamore should abandon plans for a 39th step into the rest of the world and devise a system of awarding points to players, depending on their performance in a game. This would surely highlight those players who earn their team lots of points each week (eg Steven Gerrard), as well as expose those who don't really make much of a difference to the league position of their club, but still seem to get a regular game (eg Freddie Ljungberg). Even more radical would be if the player received the points instead of the team, which would no doubt show the Premier League to be forward thinking across the globe. Just imagine seeing Chelsea being pipped for the last Champions League spot by an in-form Kenny Miller.” --- A fortnight ago we passed on a disgruntled ex-manager’s observation to the Non League Paper that “Cheshunt is a cancerous place”. This week the paper that rightly styles itself “The Original and the Best” has reported more strong views, this time from Leigh RMI manager Steve Bleasedale. Under a headline that could be a testimony from a recovered prostate patient – Passion Is Back After My Posh Problems – Steve discusses his departure from a coaching job at Peterborough, where “my energy, enthusiasm, will and destiny was depleted by unethical and narrow-minded people”. A clue as to who may have been depleting Steve’s will is provided with his comments on Peterborough’s recent signings from non-League: “Most of them were on the list that I gave Barry Fry at the end of 2005-06, so I know that if I’d been left alone at the club, I’d have done a good job.” He’s happy now, though: “Yesterday we didn’t have a game, so we had a training session in the morning, a game of bowls, a few frames of snooker, a couple of pints and a guided tour by the chairman. These are exciting times.” --- This week in history ~ Division Two, March 9, 1991

Results
The top three at this point all went up, Oldham taking the title from West Ham on the last day through Neil Redfearn’s injury-time penalty in a 3-2 win over Sheffield Wed.
The fourth promotion spot, caused by Division One being increased from 20 clubs to 22, went to Neil Warnock’s Notts County. After ending the season with seven victories, they beat Middlesbrough in the play-off semi, then Brighton 3-1 at Wembley to clinch a second successive promotion.
There were two fewer fixtures this weekend as West Ham and Notts County were both playing FA Cup quarter-final ties. West Ham beat Everton 2-1 while County lost by the same score to Spurs. Neil Warnock failed to blame the referee for that defeat but he didn’t have a public image to maintain then.
Veteran Welsh midfielder Peter Nicholas, invariably described in match reports as either “tigerish” or “robust”, made his Watford debut in their defeat by Newcastle. The team went on win to half their remaining 14 games to stay up by three points.
West Brom were relegated despite being unbeaten in their last nine games. Seven of those were draws, however, and with only two down due to the divisional changes, they finished two points behind third-bottom Leicester. The monobrowed Bobby Gould had replaced Bryan Talbot as Albion manager in January after a 4-2 home defeat by Woking in the FA Cup third round, solicitor Tim Buzaglo scoring a hat-trick.
Only three foreign players featured in these ten fixtures – Dutch midfielders Romeo Zondervan (Ipswich) and Robin van der Laan (Port Vale) plus Norwegian full back Gunnar Halle (Oldham). A few more played during the season including US keeper Tony Meola (one game for Brighton) and New Zealand defender Ceri Evans who was with Oxford United while studying at the university. --- WSC Trivia ~ No 6 Occasionally we are asked if WSC back issues are worth much. The answer, frankly, is no. After the first issue sold out of its original run of 200 or so copies, there was a spectacular price hike from 15p to 20p for the second printing. But the “15p-ers”, as they are known to WSC archivists, have barely doubled in value in the intervening 20 years. One later edition has a spelling mistake on the cover, though, so prepare for a bidding war if that ever comes up on eBay. ---
Stickipedia A mine of information constructed from sticker cards Felix Mourinho and Victor Cabral, Belenenses Ases Do Futebol 1970-71 José Mourinho’s father, José Manuel – commonly known as Felix – had moved from his home-town club, Vitoria Setubal, to Belenenses of Lisbon in 1969 when his son was six. “José felt this change deeply,” Felix said later. “When I told him the news of my transfer he burst into tears.” Mourinho senior was already 30 when he joined Belenenses but he had a successful spell there, culminating in a cap for Portugal as a substitute against Ireland in 1972. To judge by the state of his deputy, Felix may not have much difficulty in maintaining his first-team place. Though you sense that Victor Cabral would be the first to be asked if the club needed someone to play the saxophone at an official function.
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