| Who really wants to host a World Cup? |
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Hosting the World Cup is a much worse scenario. FIFA is not only your outside caterer, it also becomes the self-invited control freak that tells you exactly how to run your own party. At huge expense, it bullies you into remodelling and renaming all your rooms ("This bog is now the Coca Cola Personal Hygiene Facility"). It moodily threatens to move the party somewhere else if you don't get your act together and finish the preparations on time. It dictates which beer and food to serve. It makes sure that it will be the guest of honour, quaffing vintage champagne in an exclusive VIP room with its best corporate friends, and you'll only be allowed in wearing a butler's uniform. And then when it's all over, it packs up and leaves you feeling used and empty – like those huge, all-seater stadiums it insisted that you needed so that Chile could play Honduras. The bidding process for the Olympics and the World Cup has always been an unsightly and undignified process, as committees full of toadying functionaries jostle to court the high-class whores from Switzerland for the right to escort them for one mindblowingly extravagant month. The petty, political machinations of the bidding war have been embarrassingly unzipped by English football's very own Linda Tripp, prompting a lust-smitten pensioner to babble out his barely coherent thoughts on other countries' alleged underhand tactics to be awarded the 2018 tournament. This pathetic, tawdry exposé has been brought to us courtesy of a newspaper that loudly professes its patriotism, but has never quite managed to shift its position of openly supporting fascism in the 1930s. How cheap and dirty the voice of stiff middle England must now feel for its one-issue dalliance with Melissa Jacobs, but perhaps it's done England an unwitting favour. Cancel the party, and let's save ourselves the hassle. Apart from those seeking to bolster their political image, who really wants the World Cup anyway? On the subject...
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