If I was going to watch it (which I'm not), it'd be "vomiting into an empty beer can".

I'll tell you what is "historic" - Monday's decision by the Football League to accept the Premier League's very own version of trickle down economics: vastly increasing both parachute payments to relegated Premiership teams and the proportion of cash given to Championship clubs each season.

I'd have thought that the creation of a Premier League 2 by the back door in a deal which was railroaded through in record time as a take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum to the lower two divisions is pretty much the definition of "historic".

No mention of it as such on Sky Sports News, funnily enough...

Atleast with all this mordern day history we don't have to keep bleating on about the "matthews final " and how some guy stole the show because he had the baggiest shorts , even though his mate scored a hat trick.
History is only for Liverppol fans anyway, who believe if you are not United or Arsenal or their beloved selves you can't have any History because a club has to win bag loads of stuff to have history(preferably between 1964 and 1989) In fact its probably LFC who started all this History nonsense stuff off,and Mandela would never have got off that Island if Robben hadn't been crocked again.

Oh no, looks like JT won't be making history after all.

Bangor City made History on the Saturday before last. They were the first club to win 3 Welsh Cups in a row since the last one.

"After all, who wants to talk about "Football League history" these days, with its connotations of largely home-grown sides populated by players with bad haircuts winning antiquated trophies on unsightly, muddy pitches?"

I don't know whether the Premier League/Sky Sports over-dramatic, overwrought insistence that football is life itself is annoying or just plain parady. It certainly is becoming the latter. All games between the big clubs on Sky are heralded with trailers like this:

(Slow kettle-drum beats; images of Drogba and Torres in slo-mo)

Voiceover: (Excited, vengeful, urgent, my family have been kidnapped by Vikings) The time is upon us. The tectonic plates of the Premiership have moved to cause a shift in power such has never been seen before. World War II was a whisper. Vietnam a mere cough of irritation. These are mere distractions next to the explosion of brilliance that is -

(Firey plumes fill the screen)

LIVERPOOL VERSUS CHELSEA!

(CGI of Terry, Gerrard and Drogba screaming defiance as they ride upon the backs of horses with manes of flowing fire into a wasteland of rock and molten lava)

Will John Terry destroy time itself and cause ructions of terror that may split the cosmos? Will Drogba score another historic goal that may interupt the revolution of the planets in our solar system and send them spinning off into space?

(Two giant faces - Benitez and Ancelotti - loom into view, their eyes filled with CGI flames as their cheeks crack and fall like stone.)

Beware the giants! For when they speak, their words scrub the skies with fire and cataclysm is wrought o'er the land! The prize they seek a mighty one! Who dares stand in their way?

(One more huge explosion)

Sell your family! Kill your enemies! Let the battle commence! Liverpool versus Chelsea! Sky Sports One, Sunday!

(Then follows sepia trailer for the Football League: man smoking pipe, sitting next to whippet by brazier in front of brick wall with 'Come on, Pretson!' scrawled in paint across it. Five seconds of Preston v Nottingham Forest clips.)

Voiceover: (lightly excited, just putting the cat out) Preston versus Nottingham Forest. It's on Monday night, if you're interested.

Here's a Tweet from Radio Five Live presenter Jacqui Oatley today:
"Alas, poor Fulham, 'twas not to be, but you'll go down in history".

I'm pretty sure I heard the commentator state last night that Fulham were battling for the 'ultimate glory', of winning the UEFA thingy cup.